Shodan's Guide to Creating a Religion!

[Shodan]

Have you ever wanted to become extremely rich, but just didn’t know how? Are the lottery tickets you buy never winning? Is college too difficult? Are you angry that you’re doing all this work, just to get a job with an entry-level, sub-seven-figure salary? Sick of get-rich-quick schemes that just don’t work?

Well, we here at Shodan Industries have just the solution for you! With our informative, helpful, and easy-to-understand guide, you’ll be able to do what many have tried but few have succeeded at. You’ll exploit human psychology and have sizable fractions of wallets escaping their leather prisons and returning to your bank account. Unless, of course, you are an idiot. All you’ll need is a pretty smile, a good speaking voice, and a total lack of morality or empathy for your fellow man. Since you’re probably a psychopath if you’re reading this, you likely won’t need to work on these things at all!

Creating a successful for-profit religion requires a good answer to two questions:

• “How can I convert the most people to my religion?”
• “How can I get my converts to give me more money?”

In other words, you want to maximize both quality and quantity. More technically, you want to maximize the value given by the formula [a * n], where a is the average amount of money earned from each convert and n is the number of converts.

Problematically, the answers to these two questions contradict each other. The way to make your converts give you more money is by charging exorbitant amounts for the services your religion provides. However, by charging much money for your services, you make people suspicious of your intentions. Modern people tend to see money and religion as a bad combination. Some faith-dealers charge thousands of dollars for theirs! This is an unfortunate side effect of the many failures who have gone before you. In addition, high costs make it impossible for poor people - who are great targets, as they are emotionally vulnerable - to pay without committing crimes, as they might for illegal drugs. This gives your religion a bad name.

We here at Shodan Industries solved this by charging different amounts for different tiers of services. For example, low-level services, such as consecration or blessings, cost little (less than a hundred), whereas services such as faith healing command rates in the hundreds or thousands. Even those services are grouped into sub-tiers.

Another piece of advice - don’t openly display prices! In fact, it’s best to not acknowledge their existence. Don’t deny them, either - just use the INWPS (Israeli Nuclear Weapons Publicity Strategy) and let people figure it out. By doing this, almost everyone implicitly understands that there are prices, but does not give the purpose further consideration. They are thus less likely to consider why there is a price and see your religion for what it actually is. This serves several useful functions:

• It prevents people from being driven away because they saw the prices.
• It allows you to be flexible with your pricing, thereby pulling some money off people who otherwise would - or could - not pay.

Now that we know how to get more money off of your converts, we must learn how to create a religion that will convert the most people. Here, there are a few problems which any budding religion faces, but the most important one is the fact that the overwhelming majority of people belong to some religion or another. Most irreligious people (atheists, agnostics, etc.) are rather hard to convince, owing to their rational outlook on things.

The admittedly counterintuitive solution to this problem is to make your “religion” not a religion! Or, at least, cloaking it to not look like a religion. This is something L. Ron Hubbard and Deepak Chopra got right. By making your religion not a religion, you gain an audience of less fundamentalist religious people (the fundies are a lost cause; don’t bother with them) and less-inquiring irreligious folk (a rarity in more conservative nations like America, where only the highly intelligent and thoughtful tend to be nonreligious, but common in more liberal countries such as Canada, Australia, and most of the European Union). This also makes your religion more inviting and less discriminating - a positive trait in today’s increasingly tolerant world.

In addition, by making your religion irreligious, you decrease the consequences of your immoral personal behavior. Christian preachers often use that faith to get money from their followers. This is sensible, since they are targeting an existing audience, but the above paragraph explains why this isn’t necessary. They are frequently caught in controversies such as adultery scandals; Jimmy Swaggart comes to mind. When this happens, their career ends - or at least sputters - because the Bible which they preach commands against these actions. Since you choose your “religion’s” moral code, if you are caught, say, visiting a prostitute, all you need to do is issue public statements about how it wasn’t wrong, and never mention it again. In this way, you bring no attention to your “sins,” while still rebutting your critics. As long as your “religion’s” moral code is compatible with your actions, this strategy will work. This point bears repeating: never commit any action which your faith says is not acceptable! You might be caught, and if you are, you’re well and truly fucked. For this reason, your religion should have a loose moral code. After all, if you’re raking in millions, wouldn’t you want to spend your money on whores, drugs, and mansions?

Well, I hope you enjoyed my guide to getting rich quick. If you did, then show your support by getting out there and duping dumb citizens out of their hard-earned (lol) money! Remember, it’s the American way.

[Shodan]

Have you ever wanted to become extremely rich, but just didn’t know how? Are the lottery tickets you buy never winning? Is college too difficult? Are you angry that you’re doing all this work, just to get a job with an entry-level, sub-seven-figure salary? Sick of get-rich-quick schemes that just don’t work?

Well, we here at Shodan Industries have just the solution for you! With our informative, helpful, and easy-to-understand guide, you’ll be able to do what many have tried but few have succeeded at. You’ll exploit human psychology and have sizable fractions of wallets escaping their leather prisons and returning to your bank account. Unless, of course, you are an idiot. All you’ll need is a pretty smile, a good speaking voice, and a total lack of morality or empathy for your fellow man. Since you’re probably a psychopath if you’re reading this, you likely won’t need to work on these things at all!

Creating a successful for-profit religion requires a good answer to two questions:

• “How can I convert the most people to my religion?”
• “How can I get my converts to give me more money?”

In other words, you want to maximize both quality and quantity. More technically, you want to maximize the value given by the formula [a * n], where a is the average amount of money earned from each convert and n is the number of converts.

Problematically, the answers to these two questions contradict each other. The way to make your converts give you more money is by charging exorbitant amounts for the services your religion provides. However, by charging much money for your services, you make people suspicious of your intentions. Modern people tend to see money and religion as a bad combination. Some faith-dealers charge thousands of dollars for theirs! This is an unfortunate side effect of the many failures who have gone before you. In addition, high costs make it impossible for poor people - who are great targets, as they are emotionally vulnerable - to pay without committing crimes, as they might for illegal drugs. This gives your religion a bad name.

We here at Shodan Industries solved this by charging different amounts for different tiers of services. For example, low-level services, such as consecration or blessings, cost little (less than a hundred), whereas services such as faith healing command rates in the hundreds or thousands. Even those services are grouped into sub-tiers.

Another piece of advice - don’t openly display prices! In fact, it’s best to not acknowledge their existence. Don’t deny them, either - just use the INWPS (Israeli Nuclear Weapons Publicity Strategy) and let people figure it out. By doing this, almost everyone implicitly understands that there are prices, but does not give the purpose further consideration. They are thus less likely to consider why there is a price and see your religion for what it actually is. This serves several useful functions:

• It prevents people from being driven away because they saw the prices.
• It allows you to be flexible with your pricing, thereby pulling some money off people who otherwise would - or could - not pay.

Now that we know how to get more money off of your converts, we must learn how to create a religion that will convert the most people. Here, there are a few problems which any budding religion faces, but the most important one is the fact that the overwhelming majority of people belong to some religion or another. Most irreligious people (atheists, agnostics, etc.) are rather hard to convince, owing to their rational outlook on things.

The admittedly counterintuitive solution to this problem is to make your “religion” not a religion! Or, at least, cloaking it to not look like a religion. This is something L. Ron Hubbard and Deepak Chopra got right. By making your religion not a religion, you gain an audience of less fundamentalist religious people (the fundies are a lost cause; don’t bother with them) and less-inquiring irreligious folk (a rarity in more conservative nations like America, where only the highly intelligent and thoughtful tend to be nonreligious, but common in more liberal countries such as Canada, Australia, and most of the European Union). This also makes your religion more inviting and less discriminating - a positive trait in today’s increasingly tolerant world.

In addition, by making your religion irreligious, you decrease the consequences of your immoral personal behavior. Christian preachers often use that faith to get money from their followers. This is sensible, since they are targeting an existing audience, but the above paragraph explains why this isn’t necessary. They are frequently caught in controversies such as adultery scandals; Jimmy Swaggart comes to mind. When this happens, their career ends - or at least sputters - because the Bible which they preach commands against these actions. Since you choose your “religion’s” moral code, if you are caught, say, visiting a prostitute, all you need to do is issue public statements about how it wasn’t wrong, and never mention it again. In this way, you bring no attention to your “sins,” while still rebutting your critics. As long as your “religion’s” moral code is compatible with your actions, this strategy will work. This point bears repeating: never commit any action which your faith says is not acceptable! You might be caught, and if you are, you’re well and truly fucked. For this reason, your religion should have a loose moral code. After all, if you’re raking in millions, wouldn’t you want to spend your money on whores, drugs, and mansions?

Well, I hope you enjoyed my guide to getting rich quick. If you did, then show your support by getting out there and duping dumb citizens out of their hard-earned (lol) money! Remember, it’s the American way.

Tl;dr

Tl;dr

[KG The Prince]

wow ...

[KG The Prince]

wow ...

[Babylon]

Chill out shodan, the swaggart foundation boutta send christ ninjas to your crib with crucifixes for shurikens and bad conversion pitches for smoke bombs

[Babylon]

Chill out shodan, the swaggart foundation boutta send christ ninjas to your crib with crucifixes for shurikens and bad conversion pitches for smoke bombs

On one...

On one...

[Nerdism]

Off two...

[Nerdism]

Off two...

[Babylon]

Inbetween three...

[Babylon]

Inbetween three...

[JayDiamondScarFace]

the idea of creating a religion isn't a fall apart move, it could actually be a winwin,as long as its keeping up to the standard of a active and beat group,with enough people around and activeities to dew,wouldnt be a necasary profit either maybe it would go idile but that's just a flow issue wouldn't hurt the false religion that's your making upogucci666

[JayDiamondScarFace]

the idea of creating a religion isn't a fall apart move, it could actually be a winwin,as long as its keeping up to the standard of a active and beat group,with enough people around and activeities to dew,wouldnt be a necasary profit either maybe it would go idile but that's just a flow issue wouldn't hurt the false religion that's your making upogucci666

[KG The Prince]

I tried this

[KG The Prince]

I tried this