Etchings of a Better Time

[Dono]

Originally Posted by Dono

Etchings of a Better Time

Energy hums and reverberates...

This is no normal design with set imagery stains
No, in the beginning a perfect symmetry reigns
Genesis; eloquence, elegance, sensuous gentleness
Excellence's edifice - emphasis on nebulous elements
With global relevance, an illustration of grace
Nature nurtures art, giving inclination to fate
Here, imitation is great; reality blends beauty
Bordered on disorder, duality bends duly
Coordinated chaos colors curious combinations
Compounding confusion with furious complications
The mural shivers plural rivers of energy
While edges emanate silver slivers of entropy
Like a breath, life nor death powers it, only force in motion
Culminating in a discourse on forced emotion
Fluidity of energy across a slender mesa
Symmetrical perfection within the center strata


The Center Strata:
Abandoned on the doorstep of contentions palace
Inception's balance, long before deceptions malice
Intention's canvas, productivity pleasantly peaks
The profuse presence any paragon presently seeks
Zealously sought zone of zion which zig zags through zen
In true strife, men must lose life to get back again
The innocence of youth, when vigilance is loose
Where idealists and realists find synthesis with truth
Talents balance good habits for prolonged contented calm
With melody of augmented songs worth being commented on
Yet silence holds, violence's cold grasp evaporates
Safety mainly means the whole craft elaborates
However, Platonic purity stands indefinite
Deadly decadence, security spans are delicate
A permeable membrane mediates most our moments
But some escape in runner's gaits out closed components
Yes, we yearn - yet more is yanked, yellowing the yearly yield
Polar opposites pull vulgar armaments to field
Two temporal tyrants awaken in a turf tussle
To tear what tiny pieces they can tempt from this terse puzzle


Upper Alpha Tier:
Our superior sensibilities in dynasty
Feudal cut-throat tactics, graphic, brutal rivalry
Aristocratic nobles - birthplace of elitism
Manic mental earthquakes when he is driven
Darwin's prime survivor, and Father Time's advisor
Eerily eclectic ethics, few faces find his fiber
The tiger's grimace, bred from disdain and arrogance
Weakness wanes under this chain of regiments
Pain is requisite, sifting majesty from malady
Imitate insanity through gallantry of vanity
Overpowering simples, cowardly cripples are a crutch
Foolish failures fall, with worthless symbols that they clutch
Wildly womanizing without worry of oppression
Worship supremacy in a flurry of aggression
Monuments to dominance; at any cost, period
Other options obliterated - plenty lost; myriads
The power plucked from center strata will break the balance
Periodically paining people in their greatest challenge

Lower Beta Echelon:
Our interior sensitivities in privacy
A fruitful, neutral, frugal, communal society
Proletariat peasantry - origin of charity
Those expertly exploited in open disparity
Cowers at contention; strong showers of depression
Thin nodes implode during long hours of attention
The tiger's grimace, born from despair and negligence
Avoid displaying talent to spare embarrassments
From anonymous faces arise anxiety
Muted mumbles to self, mantras mediocre men say quietly
Constantly carry the burden of many a person
With plenty of cursing but the role stays fairly certain
Lusty loving leisurely fades to fantasy
The scapegoat mixed with shadowy shades of sanity
Gambles are to be avoided at all costs, period
Deductions do damage, even at a small loss, idiot
The force freed from center strata will break the balance
Periodically paining people in their greatest challenge

Where it All Meets:
Turmoil wrapped in pure coils, but where's the relation?
What miraculous medium holds shares of migration?
It's ecology, simultaneously; economics
The inexplicable screech within the best harmonics
Relationships with parents and bodily health
Biology cells, gaudy giggle fits and comedy spells
A battle with drugs, the lover's quarrel, yin and yang
The hero's epic, flavor within a page, sin and change
Categorically encompassing most existence
Extract my personal narrative to close the distance

For me, it's my increasingly constricted humanity
For me, it embodies my conflicted personality
Battleground for two egos, two souls, two minds, two goals
Two foes whose weekly experience dictates who grows
Each minute enters data to the center strata
Funneling fuel into either alpha-beta
Devilish beat down delivered daily, stronger than fists
That initial perfect symmetry, no longer exists
Oscillations between a raunchy insolent prick
and a staunchly indolent twit, both immigrant's sick
My Jeckle and Hyde hoard the spectrum of shown characteristics
Easily obliterate attempts known; plus all heuristics
The more I struggle, the less the central point is able to hold
As force polarizes, I brace for the cable to fold
The instance when equilibrium concavely collapses
And I hazily crash into a persona made from the ashes

Could I get some feed on this please?

[Dono]

Originally Posted by Dono

Etchings of a Better Time

Energy hums and reverberates...

This is no normal design with set imagery stains
No, in the beginning a perfect symmetry reigns
Genesis; eloquence, elegance, sensuous gentleness
Excellence's edifice - emphasis on nebulous elements
With global relevance, an illustration of grace
Nature nurtures art, giving inclination to fate
Here, imitation is great; reality blends beauty
Bordered on disorder, duality bends duly
Coordinated chaos colors curious combinations
Compounding confusion with furious complications
The mural shivers plural rivers of energy
While edges emanate silver slivers of entropy
Like a breath, life nor death powers it, only force in motion
Culminating in a discourse on forced emotion
Fluidity of energy across a slender mesa
Symmetrical perfection within the center strata


The Center Strata:
Abandoned on the doorstep of contentions palace
Inception's balance, long before deceptions malice
Intention's canvas, productivity pleasantly peaks
The profuse presence any paragon presently seeks
Zealously sought zone of zion which zig zags through zen
In true strife, men must lose life to get back again
The innocence of youth, when vigilance is loose
Where idealists and realists find synthesis with truth
Talents balance good habits for prolonged contented calm
With melody of augmented songs worth being commented on
Yet silence holds, violence's cold grasp evaporates
Safety mainly means the whole craft elaborates
However, Platonic purity stands indefinite
Deadly decadence, security spans are delicate
A permeable membrane mediates most our moments
But some escape in runner's gaits out closed components
Yes, we yearn - yet more is yanked, yellowing the yearly yield
Polar opposites pull vulgar armaments to field
Two temporal tyrants awaken in a turf tussle
To tear what tiny pieces they can tempt from this terse puzzle


Upper Alpha Tier:
Our superior sensibilities in dynasty
Feudal cut-throat tactics, graphic, brutal rivalry
Aristocratic nobles - birthplace of elitism
Manic mental earthquakes when he is driven
Darwin's prime survivor, and Father Time's advisor
Eerily eclectic ethics, few faces find his fiber
The tiger's grimace, bred from disdain and arrogance
Weakness wanes under this chain of regiments
Pain is requisite, sifting majesty from malady
Imitate insanity through gallantry of vanity
Overpowering simples, cowardly cripples are a crutch
Foolish failures fall, with worthless symbols that they clutch
Wildly womanizing without worry of oppression
Worship supremacy in a flurry of aggression
Monuments to dominance; at any cost, period
Other options obliterated - plenty lost; myriads
The power plucked from center strata will break the balance
Periodically paining people in their greatest challenge

Lower Beta Echelon:
Our interior sensitivities in privacy
A fruitful, neutral, frugal, communal society
Proletariat peasantry - origin of charity
Those expertly exploited in open disparity
Cowers at contention; strong showers of depression
Thin nodes implode during long hours of attention
The tiger's grimace, born from despair and negligence
Avoid displaying talent to spare embarrassments
From anonymous faces arise anxiety
Muted mumbles to self, mantras mediocre men say quietly
Constantly carry the burden of many a person
With plenty of cursing but the role stays fairly certain
Lusty loving leisurely fades to fantasy
The scapegoat mixed with shadowy shades of sanity
Gambles are to be avoided at all costs, period
Deductions do damage, even at a small loss, idiot
The force freed from center strata will break the balance
Periodically paining people in their greatest challenge

Where it All Meets:
Turmoil wrapped in pure coils, but where's the relation?
What miraculous medium holds shares of migration?
It's ecology, simultaneously; economics
The inexplicable screech within the best harmonics
Relationships with parents and bodily health
Biology cells, gaudy giggle fits and comedy spells
A battle with drugs, the lover's quarrel, yin and yang
The hero's epic, flavor within a page, sin and change
Categorically encompassing most existence
Extract my personal narrative to close the distance

For me, it's my increasingly constricted humanity
For me, it embodies my conflicted personality
Battleground for two egos, two souls, two minds, two goals
Two foes whose weekly experience dictates who grows
Each minute enters data to the center strata
Funneling fuel into either alpha-beta
Devilish beat down delivered daily, stronger than fists
That initial perfect symmetry, no longer exists
Oscillations between a raunchy insolent prick
and a staunchly indolent twit, both immigrant's sick
My Jeckle and Hyde hoard the spectrum of shown characteristics
Easily obliterate attempts known; plus all heuristics
The more I struggle, the less the central point is able to hold
As force polarizes, I brace for the cable to fold
The instance when equilibrium concavely collapses
And I hazily crash into a persona made from the ashes

Could I get some feed on this please?

[FreezyCT]

alot of this was over my head...but what i could follow, i liked

[FreezyCT]

alot of this was over my head...but what i could follow, i liked

[Óðinn]

This was dope fam... on the reals. great concept with inner concepts. You are a talented writer i will give you that...might not be the best battle writer on this sight....but you are by far one of the best writers on this site. Always a pleasure reading your cyphers....Never a dull moment.

You stuck well to message/concept & never veered off course. 10+ homie.

[Óðinn]

This was dope fam... on the reals. great concept with inner concepts. You are a talented writer i will give you that...might not be the best battle writer on this sight....but you are by far one of the best writers on this site. Always a pleasure reading your cyphers....Never a dull moment.

You stuck well to message/concept & never veered off course. 10+ homie.

[Student]

Looks Cool But I'll Read It Later.

[Student]

Looks Cool But I'll Read It Later.

[Wigsplit]

Motherfucker, u can take this shit far. U must be like a human dictionary, i'm jealous of your vocabulary lol. And it all flows together so pretty like. All in all tho, this is very well done, i'm not as bright as u are, so I may have got lost a little here n there, but I only read it once, so thats my fault. Dope shit tho, u r the man, no, no, u r the god! Lol

[Wigsplit]

Motherfucker, u can take this shit far. U must be like a human dictionary, i'm jealous of your vocabulary lol. And it all flows together so pretty like. All in all tho, this is very well done, i'm not as bright as u are, so I may have got lost a little here n there, but I only read it once, so thats my fault. Dope shit tho, u r the man, no, no, u r the god! Lol

I really disliked the wording of "Shares of migration." Some of the other wording seemed a little forced in context as well, but all in all, this was amazing, really.

I really disliked the wording of "Shares of migration." Some of the other wording seemed a little forced in context as well, but all in all, this was amazing, really.

[Erupt da Monsta]

the way this flowed was very nice, one thing I would work on is imagery, reword it so it jumps off the page more, this is alot better than the first time I read it. Dope actually, could have used a more concrete story line , thats about it, other than that this is dope . 9/10

[Erupt da Monsta]

the way this flowed was very nice, one thing I would work on is imagery, reword it so it jumps off the page more, this is alot better than the first time I read it. Dope actually, could have used a more concrete story line , thats about it, other than that this is dope . 9/10

[J u s T C]

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If your thread ends up getting closed you can post your links in the following thread if you would like your thread re opened for further feedback.

www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=124093

[J u s T C]

You have 48 hours from this post to provide links as proof of you leaving feedback on 2 other Writers Block pieces before your thread is closed.

If your thread ends up getting closed you can post your links in the following thread if you would like your thread re opened for further feedback.

www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=124093