ATT 2018 ROUND 1: Writer 9 vs Writer 7 (Writer 9 wins 5-3)

[NOBLE]

Writer 9 vs. Writer 7

Rules
Verses are due by Thursday, February 8th at 11:59 PM Eastern (GMT-5).
Verses must be sent to NOBLE via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Voting is 3-0 KO or First to 5.
Writer numbers will be changed every round.
Check your PM to find out which number you are for the round.

Topic

[NOBLE]

Writer 9 vs. Writer 7

Rules
Verses are due by Thursday, February 8th at 11:59 PM Eastern (GMT-5).
Verses must be sent to NOBLE via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Voting is 3-0 KO or First to 5.
Writer numbers will be changed every round.
Check your PM to find out which number you are for the round.

Topic

[NOBLE]

Writer 9

ATTENTION CLASS, ATTENTION... As our last minutes fade,
there is a few expressions that I'm saddened to say..

… I remember your first day, the sun was lucent with no rain.
Delicate, yet precarious...You all moved in a slow pace...
I saw everyone’s potential to amount to something more;
Into beings who can meet tests, surmount above and soar.
It was dormant in the crevices inside the inner you;
In a vessel that focused on getting high and sipping booze.
It was either dressing for boys or staring for girls.
When in reality you started with no care in the world.
having an image...with a name, and to fit in was the aim;
Will do almost anything for a smidgen of the fame.
But time went by, then your skin thickened... it was great,
Because you then thought of the future, and your chrysalis became...
After voracious consumption...of the fads of the teen age,
You were fast in a sleep state, having your dreams made.
The shells you put yourself in led to crack and to decay...
And the inner you emerged with a passion, esteem, grace,
Beauty and elegance and ready to take flight.
But as you leave today, expect plenty of grave plights.
But it will come up roses; you surely are set.
Now you can get to flower in your journey ahead...
You can fly... and go wherever sooner than ever,
Be optimistic; don't let your path be skewered or pressured.
Now spread your wings... and prepare to maneuver with effort.
I wish you all the best on your future endeavors.

Thank you, graduates of _____.
(You moved in a slow pace...then your skin thickened... and your chrysalis became, after voracious consumption... The shells you put yourself in led to crack and to decay...Now you can get to "flower" in your journey ahead...you can fly...Spread your wings...)


VS

Writer 7

The reader's obsessed, why's the guy so lonely? he's always presumed he's something which teachers respect but his features suggest that he's a creature possessed, he'll always think about her an wish they'd meet up again... Stood up for his show and tell, but luckily everyone leaves 'fore his spell, guess he's been victimized by his own wizardry he just feels so unwell, his heart in the lowest hell, and his ears pierced by the sonorous sound of what seems the slowest bell. Home time and everything goes downhill, slammed, with no ground impact, there's butterflies in his stomach and all around this class, he wants to escape but instantly the walls surround him fast. Hopes of his great getaway have fluttered away, just like his lover today, he's like Poseidon doing mathematics but with utter decay, has his power indices but still cannot summon a wave. Maybe he's drowned in his sorrows and is just deficient with his flirtatious actions, which feel alike to roller coasters in his gut without the courageous laughter 'cause he can't neglect the main attraction, maybe he just wants the hysteria of his failure not to be his worst late reaction. It's crushing him, now he's trying to use his power against it, he's silent while his conscience is shouting, protesting, telling him he's like an empty blackboard 'cause he's all out of suggestions. He needs to sit back down on a chair and get his balance right, chalk up something quick all black and white, has his shirt buttons fastened right and suddenly feels like a gallant knight. Her face? he's memorised it thoroughly as if he'd been revising with a textbook, so adequately that he could put a pen to his eyes and get it sketched up, even he himself can see he's been revived to sense the best love. Stands up, looks out the window to relive the beauty, he knows he can give it to her deep in her booty even though we think he's loony, in an instance luminous light's enveloping the dark room like an uplifting scene in a movie. He signals to his conscience that he's ready and man feels more alive, he feels he can go the mile and this time accordingly ask out that girl he's fancied for a while ... Finally he's taught himself to check those hallways, see doves, 'cause for once there's peace and harmony in his spirit and he's not scared or 'fraid, he runs, proving that no matter the class you're in, there'll always be love.

[NOBLE]

Writer 9

ATTENTION CLASS, ATTENTION... As our last minutes fade,
there is a few expressions that I'm saddened to say..

… I remember your first day, the sun was lucent with no rain.
Delicate, yet precarious...You all moved in a slow pace...
I saw everyone’s potential to amount to something more;
Into beings who can meet tests, surmount above and soar.
It was dormant in the crevices inside the inner you;
In a vessel that focused on getting high and sipping booze.
It was either dressing for boys or staring for girls.
When in reality you started with no care in the world.
having an image...with a name, and to fit in was the aim;
Will do almost anything for a smidgen of the fame.
But time went by, then your skin thickened... it was great,
Because you then thought of the future, and your chrysalis became...
After voracious consumption...of the fads of the teen age,
You were fast in a sleep state, having your dreams made.
The shells you put yourself in led to crack and to decay...
And the inner you emerged with a passion, esteem, grace,
Beauty and elegance and ready to take flight.
But as you leave today, expect plenty of grave plights.
But it will come up roses; you surely are set.
Now you can get to flower in your journey ahead...
You can fly... and go wherever sooner than ever,
Be optimistic; don't let your path be skewered or pressured.
Now spread your wings... and prepare to maneuver with effort.
I wish you all the best on your future endeavors.

Thank you, graduates of _____.
(You moved in a slow pace...then your skin thickened... and your chrysalis became, after voracious consumption... The shells you put yourself in led to crack and to decay...Now you can get to "flower" in your journey ahead...you can fly...Spread your wings...)


VS

Writer 7

The reader's obsessed, why's the guy so lonely? he's always presumed he's something which teachers respect but his features suggest that he's a creature possessed, he'll always think about her an wish they'd meet up again... Stood up for his show and tell, but luckily everyone leaves 'fore his spell, guess he's been victimized by his own wizardry he just feels so unwell, his heart in the lowest hell, and his ears pierced by the sonorous sound of what seems the slowest bell. Home time and everything goes downhill, slammed, with no ground impact, there's butterflies in his stomach and all around this class, he wants to escape but instantly the walls surround him fast. Hopes of his great getaway have fluttered away, just like his lover today, he's like Poseidon doing mathematics but with utter decay, has his power indices but still cannot summon a wave. Maybe he's drowned in his sorrows and is just deficient with his flirtatious actions, which feel alike to roller coasters in his gut without the courageous laughter 'cause he can't neglect the main attraction, maybe he just wants the hysteria of his failure not to be his worst late reaction. It's crushing him, now he's trying to use his power against it, he's silent while his conscience is shouting, protesting, telling him he's like an empty blackboard 'cause he's all out of suggestions. He needs to sit back down on a chair and get his balance right, chalk up something quick all black and white, has his shirt buttons fastened right and suddenly feels like a gallant knight. Her face? he's memorised it thoroughly as if he'd been revising with a textbook, so adequately that he could put a pen to his eyes and get it sketched up, even he himself can see he's been revived to sense the best love. Stands up, looks out the window to relive the beauty, he knows he can give it to her deep in her booty even though we think he's loony, in an instance luminous light's enveloping the dark room like an uplifting scene in a movie. He signals to his conscience that he's ready and man feels more alive, he feels he can go the mile and this time accordingly ask out that girl he's fancied for a while ... Finally he's taught himself to check those hallways, see doves, 'cause for once there's peace and harmony in his spirit and he's not scared or 'fraid, he runs, proving that no matter the class you're in, there'll always be love.

[NOBLE]

If anyone is unsure of how to assess and vote on a topical, read this thread: https://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=111399

[NOBLE]

If anyone is unsure of how to assess and vote on a topical, read this thread: https://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=111399

Really great closer for Writer 9 . Felt this was very direct like something you might actually hear from a teacher.
I think writer number 7 had all the makings of a good story. Beginning middle end, humor, love, and triumph. Expressing love, especially young love, is always a good choice when given an opportunity to make music, or write about. It connected to the picture more for me because it was innocent mostly, ( deep in her booty lol). & this writer filled the box up with significantly more storyline. Hope im voting this right.

vote Writer 7

Really great closer for Writer 9 . Felt this was very direct like something you might actually hear from a teacher.
I think writer number 7 had all the makings of a good story. Beginning middle end, humor, love, and triumph. Expressing love, especially young love, is always a good choice when given an opportunity to make music, or write about. It connected to the picture more for me because it was innocent mostly, ( deep in her booty lol). & this writer filled the box up with significantly more storyline. Hope im voting this right.

vote Writer 7

[ZenRyda]

ok im gonna give a brief overview on what i think real quick but ill come back and read once more before i give a vote... both writers seemed to veer of course with were they wanted to go writer 9 asked for the attention of the class on the last day of school than proceeded to remember his days of school while judging the class... it felt like they were forcing their own problems on me instead jus letting me relate... but the flow was obviously there - and that means a lot when im reading it- and the butterfly thing was cool...
7 really wanted to go out of the box and did so easily thanks multis in one word rhymes and metaphors that are worth a second read if u really wanna get it... but thats where some of the problems begin i easily got tired of trying to get through reading this while looking for the connections -the struggle of only reading text is delivery issues- i did enjoy the second time i read it giving it replay vaule... i said i was gonna make this quick and went overboard... let me get one more read and ill have my vote

[ZenRyda]

ok im gonna give a brief overview on what i think real quick but ill come back and read once more before i give a vote... both writers seemed to veer of course with were they wanted to go writer 9 asked for the attention of the class on the last day of school than proceeded to remember his days of school while judging the class... it felt like they were forcing their own problems on me instead jus letting me relate... but the flow was obviously there - and that means a lot when im reading it- and the butterfly thing was cool...
7 really wanted to go out of the box and did so easily thanks multis in one word rhymes and metaphors that are worth a second read if u really wanna get it... but thats where some of the problems begin i easily got tired of trying to get through reading this while looking for the connections -the struggle of only reading text is delivery issues- i did enjoy the second time i read it giving it replay vaule... i said i was gonna make this quick and went overboard... let me get one more read and ill have my vote

Hm. This is a tough one. First of all, great topic. I wouldn't know where to start writing lol so a nod to both of these participants. Without swaying....I feel like one submission had much better vocabulary, but the other was a more enjoyable read. One submission was more positive and peaceful, and the other was a little more consistent with a troubled/painful mood. If I'm to understand correctly, what should pull a vote is vocabulary + storytelling skills + relevance to the topic. Considering all of these, I'll have to vote accordingly.

My Vote: Writer 9

Hm. This is a tough one. First of all, great topic. I wouldn't know where to start writing lol so a nod to both of these participants. Without swaying....I feel like one submission had much better vocabulary, but the other was a more enjoyable read. One submission was more positive and peaceful, and the other was a little more consistent with a troubled/painful mood. If I'm to understand correctly, what should pull a vote is vocabulary + storytelling skills + relevance to the topic. Considering all of these, I'll have to vote accordingly.

My Vote: Writer 9

[NOBLE]

Votes/comments concealed until battle closes.

[NOBLE]

Votes/comments concealed until battle closes.

Think writer #9 had the better layout for a topical. Other wasn't bad by any means, but with all the sentences bunched together, it was a difficult read.
Vote - writer #9

Think writer #9 had the better layout for a topical. Other wasn't bad by any means, but with all the sentences bunched together, it was a difficult read.
Vote - writer #9

[Bape]

My first time voting on a topical, so bare with me. I've got to say this was rather split if I'm honest. Both had a different approach. Writer seven had more technical elements and a vibe/flow I was digging more. While writer nine came across rather poetic with their vocabulary and stanza like structure. However I feel like they didn't make as much use of said topic. I've given this to writer seven, purely based on the fact they painted a better picture for me and I felt more emerged in their story than the other. Best of luck to you both!

[Bape]

My first time voting on a topical, so bare with me. I've got to say this was rather split if I'm honest. Both had a different approach. Writer seven had more technical elements and a vibe/flow I was digging more. While writer nine came across rather poetic with their vocabulary and stanza like structure. However I feel like they didn't make as much use of said topic. I've given this to writer seven, purely based on the fact they painted a better picture for me and I felt more emerged in their story than the other. Best of luck to you both!

[Shodan]

This was an extremely good battle, but I have a clear winner.


Writer 9: Holy fuck. I know it would be against the spirit of the ATT, but I wish I knew who you were so I could come over to your house and bow down to you. If there is a single topical verse that I wish I had written myself, this is it.

At first glance, this verse used the initially obvious interpretation of the picture but expounded upon it an incredibly well-executed manner. Then, at the end of the verse, you pointed out the message formed by the bold segments, which painted the entire story in a completely different light. I interpreted it as the subject committing suicide by jumping off of a tall building, but perhaps I'm wrong. I feel retarded for not having noticed the "hidden" message before reaching the end, but I don't feel retarded for having reread the entire verse afterwards.

The rhyming throughout was complicated and skillful, yet faded sublimely into the background, like a beautiful forest when staring at the sunset from a hillside.

An all-around stellar verse. 10 out of 10.


Writer 7: This verse was not bad, but simply couldn't overcome its insanely tough competition. Firstly, you seem to have forsaken your "Enter" key and made the entire verse a block of text. That definitely allows you to cram more content into your verse, but at the cost of ruining readability. If you need extra space, I recommend just making the lines longer and remembering that subtracting is sometimes more important than adding.

The story was alright. It was a bit more creative that your opponent's appeared to be at first glance, but as far as I can tell, it was ultimately just a high school love story. That's a fine and sensible interpretation of the picture, but it just didn't especially pique my interest.

As for execution, your rhyming and wording were fine, but they simply didn't reach the super-ultra-mega buttery smooth level that your opponent's did.

A good but unexceptional verse. 7.5 out of 10.

My Vote Goes To: Writer 9

[Shodan]

This was an extremely good battle, but I have a clear winner.


Writer 9: Holy fuck. I know it would be against the spirit of the ATT, but I wish I knew who you were so I could come over to your house and bow down to you. If there is a single topical verse that I wish I had written myself, this is it.

At first glance, this verse used the initially obvious interpretation of the picture but expounded upon it an incredibly well-executed manner. Then, at the end of the verse, you pointed out the message formed by the bold segments, which painted the entire story in a completely different light. I interpreted it as the subject committing suicide by jumping off of a tall building, but perhaps I'm wrong. I feel retarded for not having noticed the "hidden" message before reaching the end, but I don't feel retarded for having reread the entire verse afterwards.

The rhyming throughout was complicated and skillful, yet faded sublimely into the background, like a beautiful forest when staring at the sunset from a hillside.

An all-around stellar verse. 10 out of 10.


Writer 7: This verse was not bad, but simply couldn't overcome its insanely tough competition. Firstly, you seem to have forsaken your "Enter" key and made the entire verse a block of text. That definitely allows you to cram more content into your verse, but at the cost of ruining readability. If you need extra space, I recommend just making the lines longer and remembering that subtracting is sometimes more important than adding.

The story was alright. It was a bit more creative that your opponent's appeared to be at first glance, but as far as I can tell, it was ultimately just a high school love story. That's a fine and sensible interpretation of the picture, but it just didn't especially pique my interest.

As for execution, your rhyming and wording were fine, but they simply didn't reach the super-ultra-mega buttery smooth level that your opponent's did.

A good but unexceptional verse. 7.5 out of 10.

My Vote Goes To: Writer 9