ATT 2018 ROUND 1: Writer 5 vs Writer 1 (Writer 5 wins via no-show)

[NOBLE]

Writer 5 vs. Writer 1

Rules
Verses are due by Thursday, February 8th at 11:59 PM Eastern (GMT-5).
Verses must be sent to NOBLE via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Voting is 3-0 KO or First to 5.
Writer numbers will be changed every round.
Check your PM to find out which number you are for the round.

Topic

[NOBLE]

Writer 5 vs. Writer 1

Rules
Verses are due by Thursday, February 8th at 11:59 PM Eastern (GMT-5).
Verses must be sent to NOBLE via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Voting is 3-0 KO or First to 5.
Writer numbers will be changed every round.
Check your PM to find out which number you are for the round.

Topic

[NOBLE]

Writer 5

"I remember when it all began: I've come quite a long way.
Thought I was tracking the whole time, but now I've got a lifeless, gaunt face.
I told my friends to leave, I wish they hadn't let me go alone.
Cause now I've yet to know a road that shows I'm ever going home."

Name's Richard. I'm glad you spent time to talk to me tonight.
I've got a story to tell: I never thought I'd lead this life.
I wasn't born with much. The struggle to scrounge up? Is quite tough.
I was never "born with a silver spoon"... but I found one to light up.
I was nervous and twitchy, I felt the burning and twinge deep.
That didn't happen just now. That was just my first hit... At 15.
See I had dreams to be a doctor, and as tragic as it sounds?
I do work with needles... They're all scattered through my house.
At age 30? I avoided jail. I felt Judge treated me right.
But see he didn't understand the help I needed in life.
A prison sentence would've really helped me quell the demons I fight.
I would've rather screamed inside of a cell than see my cells were screaming inside!
De-tox would've been great, I would've finished it through.
Too bad he doesn't realize what he had sentenced me to...
He thought I could bandage myself up. He's prob'ly laughing now.
Cause the only thing I feel that's holding me together? Is the cloth that wraps around my arm when passing out.
That man sentenced me to death, and now my health is starting to fall.
Every needle penetration? Is like a prisoner who has his days marked on the wall.
I'm trapped inside my own block. I hope this is seen as a lesson.
I'm on death row, and now I'm really close to dying from lethal injection...
But hey, I'm glad you took time to listen to my testimony.
Not many others out there would really try to get to know me...


"I remember when it all began: I've come quite a long way.
I wound up tracking the whole time, that's why I've got the lifeless, gaunt face.
I told my friends to leave, I wish they hadn't let me go alone.
Cause now I know the road I'm on... I know I'm never going home."

[NOBLE]

Writer 5

"I remember when it all began: I've come quite a long way.
Thought I was tracking the whole time, but now I've got a lifeless, gaunt face.
I told my friends to leave, I wish they hadn't let me go alone.
Cause now I've yet to know a road that shows I'm ever going home."

Name's Richard. I'm glad you spent time to talk to me tonight.
I've got a story to tell: I never thought I'd lead this life.
I wasn't born with much. The struggle to scrounge up? Is quite tough.
I was never "born with a silver spoon"... but I found one to light up.
I was nervous and twitchy, I felt the burning and twinge deep.
That didn't happen just now. That was just my first hit... At 15.
See I had dreams to be a doctor, and as tragic as it sounds?
I do work with needles... They're all scattered through my house.
At age 30? I avoided jail. I felt Judge treated me right.
But see he didn't understand the help I needed in life.
A prison sentence would've really helped me quell the demons I fight.
I would've rather screamed inside of a cell than see my cells were screaming inside!
De-tox would've been great, I would've finished it through.
Too bad he doesn't realize what he had sentenced me to...
He thought I could bandage myself up. He's prob'ly laughing now.
Cause the only thing I feel that's holding me together? Is the cloth that wraps around my arm when passing out.
That man sentenced me to death, and now my health is starting to fall.
Every needle penetration? Is like a prisoner who has his days marked on the wall.
I'm trapped inside my own block. I hope this is seen as a lesson.
I'm on death row, and now I'm really close to dying from lethal injection...
But hey, I'm glad you took time to listen to my testimony.
Not many others out there would really try to get to know me...


"I remember when it all began: I've come quite a long way.
I wound up tracking the whole time, that's why I've got the lifeless, gaunt face.
I told my friends to leave, I wish they hadn't let me go alone.
Cause now I know the road I'm on... I know I'm never going home."

[NOBLE]

Writer 1 did not submit an entry by the deadline and is thus disqualified. Writer 5 wins automatically. I'm leaving this as "open for votes" so he can receive feedback since he worked and put in some effort to craft this verse. So please leave feedback/critique. I will come back and drop my own soon.

[NOBLE]

Writer 1 did not submit an entry by the deadline and is thus disqualified. Writer 5 wins automatically. I'm leaving this as "open for votes" so he can receive feedback since he worked and put in some effort to craft this verse. So please leave feedback/critique. I will come back and drop my own soon.

[Shodan]

A great verse overall. I'd probably give it 8.5/10. It didn't take the route I would have taken myself. I was thinking more in terms of seriously psychotic prisoners who ought to be in mental hospitals, but this isn't too far off from that. It was well-written and well-executed for the most part, despite a few parts that weren't totally fluent, and brought attention to a serious issue without being outright preachy.

[Shodan]

A great verse overall. I'd probably give it 8.5/10. It didn't take the route I would have taken myself. I was thinking more in terms of seriously psychotic prisoners who ought to be in mental hospitals, but this isn't too far off from that. It was well-written and well-executed for the most part, despite a few parts that weren't totally fluent, and brought attention to a serious issue without being outright preachy.

Another beautifully written verse. I really enjoyed the gritty rawness to it and the conversational tone of a man confessing his disdain for a life of misery. I really liked the clever flips in this, like wanting to be a doctor but still works with needles. Richard really spoke to me as I read this and I was impressed with the emotion drawn from this verse. Makes you almost wish the judge hadn't cut him a break. As far as the technical side goes, it rhymed well, had clever flips and flowed nicely. Was a very smooth, straightforward read without all the verbose elegance of some other topcials I've read. Mad respect for whoever wrote this and touched on a real issue. Too bad hour opponent didn't show, I'd of liked to read someone else perspective of this topic.

Another beautifully written verse. I really enjoyed the gritty rawness to it and the conversational tone of a man confessing his disdain for a life of misery. I really liked the clever flips in this, like wanting to be a doctor but still works with needles. Richard really spoke to me as I read this and I was impressed with the emotion drawn from this verse. Makes you almost wish the judge hadn't cut him a break. As far as the technical side goes, it rhymed well, had clever flips and flowed nicely. Was a very smooth, straightforward read without all the verbose elegance of some other topcials I've read. Mad respect for whoever wrote this and touched on a real issue. Too bad hour opponent didn't show, I'd of liked to read someone else perspective of this topic.

[NOBLE]

This was nice, and it was exactly what I imagined the picture to be about: drug addiction. I liked the metaphors used between drug addiction and being incarcerated as I felt they fit the picture very well. It also it the nail on the head in describing what a lot of drug addicts go through when they're passed through the criminal justice system. The schemes were a bit iffy at times, but not bad overall. Vocab, imagery, and all the other elements were sufficient. Good job fella!

[NOBLE]

This was nice, and it was exactly what I imagined the picture to be about: drug addiction. I liked the metaphors used between drug addiction and being incarcerated as I felt they fit the picture very well. It also it the nail on the head in describing what a lot of drug addicts go through when they're passed through the criminal justice system. The schemes were a bit iffy at times, but not bad overall. Vocab, imagery, and all the other elements were sufficient. Good job fella!