ATT FINAL: Writer 1 Vs Writer 2 - (Writer 1 Wins 5-1)

Writer 1 Vs Writer 2

This topical is part of the Anonymous Topical Tournament

Rules
Verses are due Tuesday, August 6th.
Verses are to be sent to EtH via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 50-60 lines long.
Voting is First to 5.

Picture

Writer 1 Vs Writer 2

This topical is part of the Anonymous Topical Tournament

Rules
Verses are due Tuesday, August 6th.
Verses are to be sent to EtH via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 50-60 lines long.
Voting is First to 5.

Picture

Writer 1

It hurts, I can't keep running, so tired my feet numbing
I need something, a boost, I can feel the heat coming
Two of them, each hunting, and I'm the damn target
Hoping they can't harvest and that I ran farthest
I slow a bit, holy shit that was a close call
Once being locked in their gaze of fiery rays most fall
Won't stall in finding a new location to hide
I'm grateful for life but it's so hard waiting to die
My lungs burn through a gas mask in a bio hazard suit
A precaution I took when we all had to loot
Right now, Earth is locking lips with the apocalypse
Chaos, death, anarchy from the breakdown of politics
Heard it was experiment with the dead and beyond gone wrong
Forming a strong bond; man with monster, but the truth is long gone
The only results from that test chamber are dead strangers
And the end of the world, idiots who bred danger
My enemy stalkers are called energy walkers
Although 'infused human shells' is said to be proper
They glow, emanating radioactive particles
Making them volatile even if just proximal
Even a hospital can't save you, not that any stand
This place is nearly impossible to survive in, not many can
That's when I heard the sound, my patch of dirt was found
I turned around, saw them coming, each step burned the ground
Heard a sea of voices say 'Purging now' - it was over
Too quickly getting closer, here now, one gripped my shoulder
Felt like my skin was flipping over, heat rippled through me
Like liquid moving, burning all as it wriggled cruelly
Bolted across my chest, the hottest flesh, up through my throat, chin
Goggles broken, felt like my entire body was open
At that moment, I knew my life was really ending
Didn't lie to myself, accept it, why keep pretending?
Then I felt it through my skull, picking pieces of the whole
Thought by now sensation would be deceased or at least dulled
Bits of brain flew, mixed with glass as I gave my final look
And saw..... them and me simultaneously as my spine unhooked

We are one now, solitary existence transcended
Objective: to see the reign of individual man ended
Before assimilation, we could not comprehend
Our actions are based in evolution, not dissent
Our memory is solitary, we can see the corpse
The old shell of a weaker being which won't need remorse
We are stronger now, more intelligent, improved
With a collective consciousness the experiment infused
The new one has added his knowledge to our database
Providing information for our goal; The Greater Chase
He is no longer afraid nor upset about actions
Through our living social bonds we gain satisfaction
Must share ourselves, cherish each soul we take as brothers
We think it strange to suffer, we must save the others
They are blind and shun, but know not a new time has come
We cannot halt progress until all human kind is one

Vs

Writer 2

Phosphorescent ashes cloak the bodies in the street
Shrapnel, sweat and teardrops soak the coldness in their feet
This time no Noah’s Ark will sail, redemption there is none
The only talk of hope is just to question where it’s gone.

Mars, the mighty God of War
Rained fists on Pluto’s rotted door
Imploring him to sign a pact
Convincing him it’s time to act.

“The mortals live in selfish sin, in greed, in lust and wars
No longer shall we pay the thief and put our trust in whores
Their faith and love for life has waned , chastity on decline
Let’s see with eyes like daggers, not passively from the side.”

The Gods look down on acrid scenes of violence and decay
The tragic fiends with magic beans sit silent in the day
Abusive parents lock their doors, to mute their infants’ cries
And frowns of guilty foresight lock on innocence’s sighs.
The bully holds the victim down, he’s cleaning out his pockets
His eyes close as the boot hits bone, he’s streaming from his sockets.
The politician nods his head, decisions he is making
Will wreck the lives of peasant wives, who in their beds are shaking.
Girl in the bar is charmed bizarre and asking where the stranger works
His smile beguiles but all the while, in her evening danger lurks.
Uneducated mothers navigate their care through poverty
Stalked by corporations bent on shifting their rare new property
CEOs’ immoral schemes and mantra cry out, such as
‘Force them to be disabled and then make them buy your crutches.’
The faithful man wakes up each day, believing God has blessed his suit
But life has shown he’ll die alone, bleeding, hot and destitute.

Mars and Pluto grit their teeth, their spent souls’ heart is sorrow
They must destroy each girl and boy, the end times start tomorrow.

Phosphorescent ashes cloak the bodies in the street
Shrapnel, sweat and teardrops soak the coldness in their feet
This time no Noah’s Ark will sail, redemption there is none
The only talk of hope is just to question where it’s gone.

All over sea, all over land
Satanic forces show their hand
Men are dying in rage and whispering Fuck
On the final page of the history book.
A rancid army of Lucifer’s ants
Swarm every city, removing the chance
For redemption, regret, repentance or more
And the richest of men lies defenceless and poor.

They permeate all solid walls to take the people hiding
Deplore the fear, ignore the tears and their deceitful chiding
Then Pluto sighs and pulls out his worst toy
Summons the sun, with a perverse joy
And torches the globe – magnifying glass
Makes humanity a tragic dying class
Now embroiled in slaughter, duelling fate
They destroy in order to create
Now phosphorescent ashes cloak the bodies in the street
Shrapnel, sweat and teardrops soak the coldness in their feet.

Writer 1

It hurts, I can't keep running, so tired my feet numbing
I need something, a boost, I can feel the heat coming
Two of them, each hunting, and I'm the damn target
Hoping they can't harvest and that I ran farthest
I slow a bit, holy shit that was a close call
Once being locked in their gaze of fiery rays most fall
Won't stall in finding a new location to hide
I'm grateful for life but it's so hard waiting to die
My lungs burn through a gas mask in a bio hazard suit
A precaution I took when we all had to loot
Right now, Earth is locking lips with the apocalypse
Chaos, death, anarchy from the breakdown of politics
Heard it was experiment with the dead and beyond gone wrong
Forming a strong bond; man with monster, but the truth is long gone
The only results from that test chamber are dead strangers
And the end of the world, idiots who bred danger
My enemy stalkers are called energy walkers
Although 'infused human shells' is said to be proper
They glow, emanating radioactive particles
Making them volatile even if just proximal
Even a hospital can't save you, not that any stand
This place is nearly impossible to survive in, not many can
That's when I heard the sound, my patch of dirt was found
I turned around, saw them coming, each step burned the ground
Heard a sea of voices say 'Purging now' - it was over
Too quickly getting closer, here now, one gripped my shoulder
Felt like my skin was flipping over, heat rippled through me
Like liquid moving, burning all as it wriggled cruelly
Bolted across my chest, the hottest flesh, up through my throat, chin
Goggles broken, felt like my entire body was open
At that moment, I knew my life was really ending
Didn't lie to myself, accept it, why keep pretending?
Then I felt it through my skull, picking pieces of the whole
Thought by now sensation would be deceased or at least dulled
Bits of brain flew, mixed with glass as I gave my final look
And saw..... them and me simultaneously as my spine unhooked

We are one now, solitary existence transcended
Objective: to see the reign of individual man ended
Before assimilation, we could not comprehend
Our actions are based in evolution, not dissent
Our memory is solitary, we can see the corpse
The old shell of a weaker being which won't need remorse
We are stronger now, more intelligent, improved
With a collective consciousness the experiment infused
The new one has added his knowledge to our database
Providing information for our goal; The Greater Chase
He is no longer afraid nor upset about actions
Through our living social bonds we gain satisfaction
Must share ourselves, cherish each soul we take as brothers
We think it strange to suffer, we must save the others
They are blind and shun, but know not a new time has come
We cannot halt progress until all human kind is one

Vs

Writer 2

Phosphorescent ashes cloak the bodies in the street
Shrapnel, sweat and teardrops soak the coldness in their feet
This time no Noah’s Ark will sail, redemption there is none
The only talk of hope is just to question where it’s gone.

Mars, the mighty God of War
Rained fists on Pluto’s rotted door
Imploring him to sign a pact
Convincing him it’s time to act.

“The mortals live in selfish sin, in greed, in lust and wars
No longer shall we pay the thief and put our trust in whores
Their faith and love for life has waned , chastity on decline
Let’s see with eyes like daggers, not passively from the side.”

The Gods look down on acrid scenes of violence and decay
The tragic fiends with magic beans sit silent in the day
Abusive parents lock their doors, to mute their infants’ cries
And frowns of guilty foresight lock on innocence’s sighs.
The bully holds the victim down, he’s cleaning out his pockets
His eyes close as the boot hits bone, he’s streaming from his sockets.
The politician nods his head, decisions he is making
Will wreck the lives of peasant wives, who in their beds are shaking.
Girl in the bar is charmed bizarre and asking where the stranger works
His smile beguiles but all the while, in her evening danger lurks.
Uneducated mothers navigate their care through poverty
Stalked by corporations bent on shifting their rare new property
CEOs’ immoral schemes and mantra cry out, such as
‘Force them to be disabled and then make them buy your crutches.’
The faithful man wakes up each day, believing God has blessed his suit
But life has shown he’ll die alone, bleeding, hot and destitute.

Mars and Pluto grit their teeth, their spent souls’ heart is sorrow
They must destroy each girl and boy, the end times start tomorrow.

Phosphorescent ashes cloak the bodies in the street
Shrapnel, sweat and teardrops soak the coldness in their feet
This time no Noah’s Ark will sail, redemption there is none
The only talk of hope is just to question where it’s gone.

All over sea, all over land
Satanic forces show their hand
Men are dying in rage and whispering Fuck
On the final page of the history book.
A rancid army of Lucifer’s ants
Swarm every city, removing the chance
For redemption, regret, repentance or more
And the richest of men lies defenceless and poor.

They permeate all solid walls to take the people hiding
Deplore the fear, ignore the tears and their deceitful chiding
Then Pluto sighs and pulls out his worst toy
Summons the sun, with a perverse joy
And torches the globe – magnifying glass
Makes humanity a tragic dying class
Now embroiled in slaughter, duelling fate
They destroy in order to create
Now phosphorescent ashes cloak the bodies in the street
Shrapnel, sweat and teardrops soak the coldness in their feet.

[Iron Mike]

Both were very nice pieces---very well written. Writer 2 had a better flow which was helped by using longer multi-syllables and having better timing (imo). The imagery was equally great in both. I did feel Writer 1's piece placed me in the image more though. Writer 2's piece had a lot of references to things that weren't included in the image---the bully, the politician, uneducated mothers, etc. I understand that's meant to provide a backdrop for what's going on overall, which is the end of the world, but it just made the piece seem distant from the central topic, which is the image and what's happening in it. While Writer 2 wrote as a narrator watching these events, Writer 1 went as far as to write from the perspective of the person in the image who's brain is being disintegrated and even describe the process of dying. He even covered the perspective of the two subjects reflected in the lens of the gas mask as they recount how they have met their objective. Overall, I just feel that Writer 1 covered more within his piece and it was more relevant to the image. Vote: Writer 1

[Iron Mike]

Both were very nice pieces---very well written. Writer 2 had a better flow which was helped by using longer multi-syllables and having better timing (imo). The imagery was equally great in both. I did feel Writer 1's piece placed me in the image more though. Writer 2's piece had a lot of references to things that weren't included in the image---the bully, the politician, uneducated mothers, etc. I understand that's meant to provide a backdrop for what's going on overall, which is the end of the world, but it just made the piece seem distant from the central topic, which is the image and what's happening in it. While Writer 2 wrote as a narrator watching these events, Writer 1 went as far as to write from the perspective of the person in the image who's brain is being disintegrated and even describe the process of dying. He even covered the perspective of the two subjects reflected in the lens of the gas mask as they recount how they have met their objective. Overall, I just feel that Writer 1 covered more within his piece and it was more relevant to the image. Vote: Writer 1

[Black Book]

Writer 1: You did pretty well. The flow and rhyming were very nice especially at the beginning. When you started with the apocalypse idea, I was like, "Oh no. Not that. Please not that played out route." But you added a twist and made it in your own. Your piece was good story line wise. It developed, had a climax, then resolved with a conclusion. I felt something was missing, though. Like it just sort of jumped too rapidly from build to climax to resolution. I feel like it could have transitioned slower which would have made it smoother. Not a huge deal, though. The imagery and vocabulary were also nice here.

Writer 2: The rhyming was on point. The flow was there. The voabulary and imagery were dope. This was a very creative piece. You had a lot of depth from the Gods to the real life corruption. The piece had good progression. How parts of the piece were repeated at the end was dope. It began and ended the piece well. Overall, this was dope. Some of it got to the point where it was almost just ranting but it didn't go that far. Dope shit.

MY VOTE GOES TO: Writer 2

Dope tournament. Dope final.

[Black Book]

Writer 1: You did pretty well. The flow and rhyming were very nice especially at the beginning. When you started with the apocalypse idea, I was like, "Oh no. Not that. Please not that played out route." But you added a twist and made it in your own. Your piece was good story line wise. It developed, had a climax, then resolved with a conclusion. I felt something was missing, though. Like it just sort of jumped too rapidly from build to climax to resolution. I feel like it could have transitioned slower which would have made it smoother. Not a huge deal, though. The imagery and vocabulary were also nice here.

Writer 2: The rhyming was on point. The flow was there. The voabulary and imagery were dope. This was a very creative piece. You had a lot of depth from the Gods to the real life corruption. The piece had good progression. How parts of the piece were repeated at the end was dope. It began and ended the piece well. Overall, this was dope. Some of it got to the point where it was almost just ranting but it didn't go that far. Dope shit.

MY VOTE GOES TO: Writer 2

Dope tournament. Dope final.

I felt that both of these were good in different ways. Writer 1's pacing and flow were really nice for the most part. I felt it started off stronger than it finished but I enjoyed reading it all the way through. The story was interesting and fleshed out reasonably well.

Writer 2 was structured a little more traditionally and it worked with the direction he went. I liked that you took a very different approach than your opponent, this angle you took with the gods was interesting and kept my attention.

Winner writer 1

I felt that both of these were good in different ways. Writer 1's pacing and flow were really nice for the most part. I felt it started off stronger than it finished but I enjoyed reading it all the way through. The story was interesting and fleshed out reasonably well.

Writer 2 was structured a little more traditionally and it worked with the direction he went. I liked that you took a very different approach than your opponent, this angle you took with the gods was interesting and kept my attention.

Winner writer 1

[Streetz De Hood]

I havent read many topicals on LB.. but I must say this is the best I've seen so far... I'm eager to see who's the writer behind these pieces but until then.. it's a one man standing ovation for writer 1 and writer 2. Both deserve one hell of a vote expo so thats what I'ma do...

Writer 1:


It hurts, I can't keep running, so tired my feet numbing
I need something, a boost, I can feel the heat coming
Two of them, each hunting, and I'm the damn target
Hoping they can't harvest and that I ran farthest

A perfect flow is definitely the way to go in an opening stanza.. you set the pace earlier on for an easy-to-read piece... the intro was pretty intense too.. only 4 lines but u touched on physical exhaustion, sense of urgency for renewed energy, identified the adversary, and the plot. You never even gave me a chance to wonder what was going on...you made it known early that this was gonna be a rollercoaster or a read.

I slow a bit, holy shit that was a close call
Once being locked in their gaze of fiery rays most fall
Won't stall in finding a new location to hide
I'm grateful for life but it's so hard waiting to die

internal conversation, mix of cockiness/gratefulness/ fight for survival.. you made your protangonist very realistic.. Its clear you put alot of thought into this character's personality and will. Also I liked how you allowed the protagonist to temporary be up +1 on the eventually unavoidable adversary.

My lungs burn through a gas mask in a bio hazard suit
A precaution I took when we all had to loot
Right now, Earth is locking lips with the apocalypse
Chaos, death, anarchy from the breakdown of politics

Now it gets deeper... bio suit, apocalypse, breakdown of politics... all of these introduce the backdrop of why this is going on in the first place... you've extended it beyond cat and mouse.. at this point i really got excited to see what was going to be next.. now we have a REAL story

Heard it was experiment with the dead and beyond gone wrong
Forming a strong bond; man with monster, but the truth is long gone
The only results from that test chamber are dead strangers
And the end of the world, idiots who bred danger

At this point I thought I knew was going on but your words said NOPE its even deeper than that... the way you continuously give your readers reasons to keep reading its pretty impressive.. this is creativity beyond a twist.. this is just good storytelling..

My enemy stalkers are called energy walkers
Although 'infused human shells' is said to be proper
They glow, emanating radioactive particles
Making them volatile even if just proximal

Here you give the adversary an identity.. allowed your reader to see these guys as more than just the reflected image in the protagonist's glasses.. you gave them purpose, a mission... that does good for the readers imagination..not as intense as your previous bars but the fact u shed spotlight on them beyond just being a villain was a great addition to your story..

Even a hospital can't save you, not that any stand
This place is nearly impossible to survive in, not many can
That's when I heard the sound, my patch of dirt was found
I turned around, saw them coming, each step burned the ground

At this moment... the protagonist comes to the realization of hey you're going to make it out of this alive.. but you leave the reason why to the readers imagination.. could be fatigue, could be the dead bodies around him, etc etc.. we don't know all we know is it was impacting enough that instead of running faster when he heard the sound he began giving up... nice build up to the climax

Heard a sea of voices say 'Purging now' - it was over
Too quickly getting closer, here now, one gripped my shoulder
Felt like my skin was flipping over, heat rippled through me
Like liquid moving, burning all as it wriggled cruelly
Bolted across my chest, the hottest flesh, up through my throat, chin
Goggles broken, felt like my entire body was open
At that moment, I knew my life was really ending
Didn't lie to myself, accept it, why keep pretending?

This is where shit got real lol. You transition from fight for survival to defeat pretty well.. I combined these 2 stanzas because of the description of the pain carrying over.. you took death and defeat and made it poetic... that remorse for self pity and quick vow of self acceptance was a interesting of his death...

Then I felt it through my skull, picking pieces of the whole
Thought by now sensation would be deceased or at least dulled
Bits of brain flew, mixed with glass as I gave my final look
And saw..... them and me simultaneously as my spine unhooked

This line was a bit ironic to me... he went from running for his life, to getting impatient with death... he seemed both sad and at peace... how is that possible? idk but you found a way... i thought that was really cool

We are one now, solitary existence transcended
Objective: to see the reign of individual man ended
Before assimilation, we could not comprehend
Our actions are based in evolution, not dissent
Our memory is solitary, we can see the corpse
The old shell of a weaker being which won't need remorse
We are stronger now, more intelligent, improved
With a collective consciousness the experiment infused
The new one has added his knowledge to our database
Providing information for our goal; The Greater Chase
He is no longer afraid nor upset about actions
Through our living social bonds we gain satisfaction
Must share ourselves, cherish each soul we take as brothers
We think it strange to suffer, we must save the others
They are blind and shun, but know not a new time has come
We cannot halt progress until all human kind is on

Great conclusion, kind of gave it that life-lesson type of feel, leaves your readers thinking.. well is this a good or a bad thing that happened? I almost feel as thought its impossible to read this piece without reading your conclusion twice... not become its hard to understand but because it drew me in so much I wanted to understand even more...

Writer 2: I had to group some of your stanzas in my breakdown bc they were so closely related.. i hope u dont mind that...

Phosphorescent ashes cloak the bodies in the street
Shrapnel, sweat and teardrops soak the coldness in their feet
This time no Noah’s Ark will sail, redemption there is none
The only talk of hope is just to question where it’s gone.

Nice imagery.. first 2 lines kinda put the setting in play very quick which i liked... and the noah's ark reference helped usher in a desolate atmosphere and a sense of hopelessness and defeat... this stanza brought your story to life without evening mentioning a single character.. not many can do that. so props..

Mars, the mighty God of War
Rained fists on Pluto’s rotted door
Imploring him to sign a pact
Convincing him it’s time to act.

“The mortals live in selfish sin, in greed, in lust and wars
No longer shall we pay the thief and put our trust in whores
Their faith and love for life has waned , chastity on decline
Let’s see with eyes like daggers, not passively from the side.”

Man..this was smooth lol.. added greek gods to the story..which isnt original but it transformed this story mysterious catastrophe to justified punishment.. that decree was really dope and began to paint the human race as selfish ugly rather than helpless victims..which was really cool bc based on the picture we kinda feel bad for him automatically...it also made me as a reader think about my own morals.. i really like this stanza...

The Gods look down on acrid scenes of violence and decay
The tragic fiends with magic beans sit silent in the day
Abusive parents lock their doors, to mute their infants’ cries
And frowns of guilty foresight lock on innocence’s sighs.

Damn... this gave that smh @ us type of vibe ya know? it also created a birds eye view of the uglyness we tend to overlook or are unaware of..


The bully holds the victim down, he’s cleaning out his pockets
His eyes close as the boot hits bone, he’s streaming from his sockets.
The politician nods his head, decisions he is making
Will wreck the lives of peasant wives, who in their beds are shaking.
Girl in the bar is charmed bizarre and asking where the stranger works
His smile beguiles but all the while, in her evening danger lurks.
Uneducated mothers navigate their care through poverty
Stalked by corporations bent on shifting their rare new property
CEOs’ immoral schemes and mantra cry out, such as
‘Force them to be disabled and then make them buy your crutches.’
The faithful man wakes up each day, believing God has blessed his suit
But life has shown he’ll die alone, bleeding, hot and destitute.

I chose to combine these stanza's because the switch of characters so quickly... I really like how you extended the story beyond the 3 characters in the picture...the gods viewing the thoughts/actions of the bully, girl in the bar, politician, CEOs were a good spin... but it also created confusion..bc is at this point in the story i asked my self is this still an intro or what?...are these ppl actually gonna play a role? i expected your focus to get more related to the actual picture by now..and for the story to more clear.

Mars and Pluto grit their teeth, their spent souls’ heart is sorrow
They must destroy each girl and boy, the end times start tomorrow.

Phosphorescent ashes cloak the bodies in the street
Shrapnel, sweat and teardrops soak the coldness in their feet
This time no Noah’s Ark will sail, redemption there is none
The only talk of hope is just to question where it’s gone.

As I read this part...i can feel mars and pluto's disgust with the human race
In made me ask...are we THAT bad.. that the gods think its better we be completely destroyed rather than continue to allow us to fight for peace?

All over sea, all over land
Satanic forces show their hand
Men are dying in rage and whispering Fuck
On the final page of the history book.
A rancid army of Lucifer’s ants
Swarm every city, removing the chance
For redemption, regret, repentance or more
And the richest of men lies defenceless and poor.

nice deciption of our fate unfolding... however I became a bit confused because you're taking greek gods and saying their using Christianity figure to carry out their punishment on us.. which i dont understand...either this is the gods doing or its God's doing..ya know? also you had a spelling error with "defenceless"

They permeate all solid walls to take the people hiding
Deplore the fear, ignore the tears and their deceitful chiding
Then Pluto sighs and pulls out his worst toy
Summons the sun, with a perverse joy
And torches the globe – magnifying glass
Makes humanity a tragic dying class
Now embroiled in slaughter, duelling fate
They destroy in order to create
Now phosphorescent ashes cloak the bodies in the street
Shrapnel, sweat and teardrops soak the coldness in their feet.

Cool ending...I do like the descriptions and imagery but I feel as though it was rushed... you took the first 30 or so lines to build up to this fate...then rush through it in 10 or so lines which were uneven...also you never really related any of it directly to the picture... you never made the guy with glasses an actual character in the story... this was a great piece.. but when u look at it in terms of it relating to the picture..u kinda did it an injustice... that's my major problem.. that and a few grammatical errors...

MVGT: Writer 1..both stories were very enjoyable and well written but I honestly feel like W1 had a better/deeper storyline... clearer direction.. and executed it better in terms of relating it to the picture... and a more personal connection with the reader... this is a deserving final.. thanks you two for doing the ATT justice.

@EtH's votes in

[Streetz De Hood]

I havent read many topicals on LB.. but I must say this is the best I've seen so far... I'm eager to see who's the writer behind these pieces but until then.. it's a one man standing ovation for writer 1 and writer 2. Both deserve one hell of a vote expo so thats what I'ma do...

Writer 1:


It hurts, I can't keep running, so tired my feet numbing
I need something, a boost, I can feel the heat coming
Two of them, each hunting, and I'm the damn target
Hoping they can't harvest and that I ran farthest

A perfect flow is definitely the way to go in an opening stanza.. you set the pace earlier on for an easy-to-read piece... the intro was pretty intense too.. only 4 lines but u touched on physical exhaustion, sense of urgency for renewed energy, identified the adversary, and the plot. You never even gave me a chance to wonder what was going on...you made it known early that this was gonna be a rollercoaster or a read.

I slow a bit, holy shit that was a close call
Once being locked in their gaze of fiery rays most fall
Won't stall in finding a new location to hide
I'm grateful for life but it's so hard waiting to die

internal conversation, mix of cockiness/gratefulness/ fight for survival.. you made your protangonist very realistic.. Its clear you put alot of thought into this character's personality and will. Also I liked how you allowed the protagonist to temporary be up +1 on the eventually unavoidable adversary.

My lungs burn through a gas mask in a bio hazard suit
A precaution I took when we all had to loot
Right now, Earth is locking lips with the apocalypse
Chaos, death, anarchy from the breakdown of politics

Now it gets deeper... bio suit, apocalypse, breakdown of politics... all of these introduce the backdrop of why this is going on in the first place... you've extended it beyond cat and mouse.. at this point i really got excited to see what was going to be next.. now we have a REAL story

Heard it was experiment with the dead and beyond gone wrong
Forming a strong bond; man with monster, but the truth is long gone
The only results from that test chamber are dead strangers
And the end of the world, idiots who bred danger

At this point I thought I knew was going on but your words said NOPE its even deeper than that... the way you continuously give your readers reasons to keep reading its pretty impressive.. this is creativity beyond a twist.. this is just good storytelling..

My enemy stalkers are called energy walkers
Although 'infused human shells' is said to be proper
They glow, emanating radioactive particles
Making them volatile even if just proximal

Here you give the adversary an identity.. allowed your reader to see these guys as more than just the reflected image in the protagonist's glasses.. you gave them purpose, a mission... that does good for the readers imagination..not as intense as your previous bars but the fact u shed spotlight on them beyond just being a villain was a great addition to your story..

Even a hospital can't save you, not that any stand
This place is nearly impossible to survive in, not many can
That's when I heard the sound, my patch of dirt was found
I turned around, saw them coming, each step burned the ground

At this moment... the protagonist comes to the realization of hey you're going to make it out of this alive.. but you leave the reason why to the readers imagination.. could be fatigue, could be the dead bodies around him, etc etc.. we don't know all we know is it was impacting enough that instead of running faster when he heard the sound he began giving up... nice build up to the climax

Heard a sea of voices say 'Purging now' - it was over
Too quickly getting closer, here now, one gripped my shoulder
Felt like my skin was flipping over, heat rippled through me
Like liquid moving, burning all as it wriggled cruelly
Bolted across my chest, the hottest flesh, up through my throat, chin
Goggles broken, felt like my entire body was open
At that moment, I knew my life was really ending
Didn't lie to myself, accept it, why keep pretending?

This is where shit got real lol. You transition from fight for survival to defeat pretty well.. I combined these 2 stanzas because of the description of the pain carrying over.. you took death and defeat and made it poetic... that remorse for self pity and quick vow of self acceptance was a interesting of his death...

Then I felt it through my skull, picking pieces of the whole
Thought by now sensation would be deceased or at least dulled
Bits of brain flew, mixed with glass as I gave my final look
And saw..... them and me simultaneously as my spine unhooked

This line was a bit ironic to me... he went from running for his life, to getting impatient with death... he seemed both sad and at peace... how is that possible? idk but you found a way... i thought that was really cool

We are one now, solitary existence transcended
Objective: to see the reign of individual man ended
Before assimilation, we could not comprehend
Our actions are based in evolution, not dissent
Our memory is solitary, we can see the corpse
The old shell of a weaker being which won't need remorse
We are stronger now, more intelligent, improved
With a collective consciousness the experiment infused
The new one has added his knowledge to our database
Providing information for our goal; The Greater Chase
He is no longer afraid nor upset about actions
Through our living social bonds we gain satisfaction
Must share ourselves, cherish each soul we take as brothers
We think it strange to suffer, we must save the others
They are blind and shun, but know not a new time has come
We cannot halt progress until all human kind is on

Great conclusion, kind of gave it that life-lesson type of feel, leaves your readers thinking.. well is this a good or a bad thing that happened? I almost feel as thought its impossible to read this piece without reading your conclusion twice... not become its hard to understand but because it drew me in so much I wanted to understand even more...

Writer 2: I had to group some of your stanzas in my breakdown bc they were so closely related.. i hope u dont mind that...

Phosphorescent ashes cloak the bodies in the street
Shrapnel, sweat and teardrops soak the coldness in their feet
This time no Noah’s Ark will sail, redemption there is none
The only talk of hope is just to question where it’s gone.

Nice imagery.. first 2 lines kinda put the setting in play very quick which i liked... and the noah's ark reference helped usher in a desolate atmosphere and a sense of hopelessness and defeat... this stanza brought your story to life without evening mentioning a single character.. not many can do that. so props..

Mars, the mighty God of War
Rained fists on Pluto’s rotted door
Imploring him to sign a pact
Convincing him it’s time to act.

“The mortals live in selfish sin, in greed, in lust and wars
No longer shall we pay the thief and put our trust in whores
Their faith and love for life has waned , chastity on decline
Let’s see with eyes like daggers, not passively from the side.”

Man..this was smooth lol.. added greek gods to the story..which isnt original but it transformed this story mysterious catastrophe to justified punishment.. that decree was really dope and began to paint the human race as selfish ugly rather than helpless victims..which was really cool bc based on the picture we kinda feel bad for him automatically...it also made me as a reader think about my own morals.. i really like this stanza...

The Gods look down on acrid scenes of violence and decay
The tragic fiends with magic beans sit silent in the day
Abusive parents lock their doors, to mute their infants’ cries
And frowns of guilty foresight lock on innocence’s sighs.

Damn... this gave that smh @ us type of vibe ya know? it also created a birds eye view of the uglyness we tend to overlook or are unaware of..


The bully holds the victim down, he’s cleaning out his pockets
His eyes close as the boot hits bone, he’s streaming from his sockets.
The politician nods his head, decisions he is making
Will wreck the lives of peasant wives, who in their beds are shaking.
Girl in the bar is charmed bizarre and asking where the stranger works
His smile beguiles but all the while, in her evening danger lurks.
Uneducated mothers navigate their care through poverty
Stalked by corporations bent on shifting their rare new property
CEOs’ immoral schemes and mantra cry out, such as
‘Force them to be disabled and then make them buy your crutches.’
The faithful man wakes up each day, believing God has blessed his suit
But life has shown he’ll die alone, bleeding, hot and destitute.

I chose to combine these stanza's because the switch of characters so quickly... I really like how you extended the story beyond the 3 characters in the picture...the gods viewing the thoughts/actions of the bully, girl in the bar, politician, CEOs were a good spin... but it also created confusion..bc is at this point in the story i asked my self is this still an intro or what?...are these ppl actually gonna play a role? i expected your focus to get more related to the actual picture by now..and for the story to more clear.

Mars and Pluto grit their teeth, their spent souls’ heart is sorrow
They must destroy each girl and boy, the end times start tomorrow.

Phosphorescent ashes cloak the bodies in the street
Shrapnel, sweat and teardrops soak the coldness in their feet
This time no Noah’s Ark will sail, redemption there is none
The only talk of hope is just to question where it’s gone.

As I read this part...i can feel mars and pluto's disgust with the human race
In made me ask...are we THAT bad.. that the gods think its better we be completely destroyed rather than continue to allow us to fight for peace?

All over sea, all over land
Satanic forces show their hand
Men are dying in rage and whispering Fuck
On the final page of the history book.
A rancid army of Lucifer’s ants
Swarm every city, removing the chance
For redemption, regret, repentance or more
And the richest of men lies defenceless and poor.

nice deciption of our fate unfolding... however I became a bit confused because you're taking greek gods and saying their using Christianity figure to carry out their punishment on us.. which i dont understand...either this is the gods doing or its God's doing..ya know? also you had a spelling error with "defenceless"

They permeate all solid walls to take the people hiding
Deplore the fear, ignore the tears and their deceitful chiding
Then Pluto sighs and pulls out his worst toy
Summons the sun, with a perverse joy
And torches the globe – magnifying glass
Makes humanity a tragic dying class
Now embroiled in slaughter, duelling fate
They destroy in order to create
Now phosphorescent ashes cloak the bodies in the street
Shrapnel, sweat and teardrops soak the coldness in their feet.

Cool ending...I do like the descriptions and imagery but I feel as though it was rushed... you took the first 30 or so lines to build up to this fate...then rush through it in 10 or so lines which were uneven...also you never really related any of it directly to the picture... you never made the guy with glasses an actual character in the story... this was a great piece.. but when u look at it in terms of it relating to the picture..u kinda did it an injustice... that's my major problem.. that and a few grammatical errors...

MVGT: Writer 1..both stories were very enjoyable and well written but I honestly feel like W1 had a better/deeper storyline... clearer direction.. and executed it better in terms of relating it to the picture... and a more personal connection with the reader... this is a deserving final.. thanks you two for doing the ATT justice.

@EtH's votes in

Writer 1:

Your topical verse, was good, the rhyming was also good however the description of the image wasn't as clear as i wanted it to be, the imagery wasnt really working for me which seemed to be your only problem.

Writer 2:

I really liked the variety of vocab and the use of sophisticated words to describe the image, your rhyming was also good.

Winner: Writer 2

Writer 1:

Your topical verse, was good, the rhyming was also good however the description of the image wasn't as clear as i wanted it to be, the imagery wasnt really working for me which seemed to be your only problem.

Writer 2:

I really liked the variety of vocab and the use of sophisticated words to describe the image, your rhyming was also good.

Winner: Writer 2

Writer One wins for me.

His verse flowed better and had a better story to it. Both were great reads though. The vocabulary used was top notch and not something I often see in rap. I would give you both 9 - 9's I don't often read topicals but this kept me entertained.

Writer One wins for me.

His verse flowed better and had a better story to it. Both were great reads though. The vocabulary used was top notch and not something I often see in rap. I would give you both 9 - 9's I don't often read topicals but this kept me entertained.

Writer 1, flow was awesome throughout. I managed to keep on the same pace the entire way through without a stumble. There was even the throat, chin to broken rhyme, which usually comes off badly, but I instinctively said broke-en which is rare with that kind of rhyme. That's down to the way the whole piece was written. There was a few areas of the rhyme I was impressed with. It's for the most part a simplistic style of rhyming, but you managed to have a few areas where you still managed to be impressive through it, which again is a testament to your skill. The poetic techniques and writing styles where very good. Despite the flow and lyricism, this was very much a poetry spoken word piece.
Now for the main part, the story. I didn't really get into it until the end, which was a very clever direction to take it. You did alright at the start, but it took a long time to go into the details you did, for us to only find out "He's being changed by some radioactive things". The little last verse was definitely an awesome idea and closed it off well.

Writer 2, I think you took a risk with such an out there topic. With so many ways, I think this could be very hard to connect to, but you took it in one of the few ways that worked out well. I really liked the use of vocab throughout. It was a good example of some well thought out wording, but without making it seem like you're trying to sound smart. You were very strong in that aspect. The rhyming was really strong for the most part, but I feel that once or twice it seemed a little bit forced. Also with the flow, with so many different styles rocking around, I found it quite hard at times to hop in and out of the flow of each section. Like when you've got your verse, then a quick haiku, then a verse, it'd be fine. But you had I think 5 different styles rocking around and at times I got a little lost. Your wording stood out most of all though. I felt you had the best idea in the whole thing with the "final page of the history books" line.
The story was good. Although at heart it was a bit generic, touching on the downsides of society, you masked it quite well. I didn't feel you had the strongest connection to the picture. You had the in general apocalypse idea, but I don't feel you really brought too much of the picture through with you.

Overall, I felt this was awesome. Both were very different, but both were awesome. I was really impressed guys and you've outdone yourselves for the final here. It's close, but to me, one has earned themself the win.

Writer 1 GETS MY VOTE

---------- Post added at 06:25 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:23 AM ----------

Writer 1 WINS 5-2

Writer 1, flow was awesome throughout. I managed to keep on the same pace the entire way through without a stumble. There was even the throat, chin to broken rhyme, which usually comes off badly, but I instinctively said broke-en which is rare with that kind of rhyme. That's down to the way the whole piece was written. There was a few areas of the rhyme I was impressed with. It's for the most part a simplistic style of rhyming, but you managed to have a few areas where you still managed to be impressive through it, which again is a testament to your skill. The poetic techniques and writing styles where very good. Despite the flow and lyricism, this was very much a poetry spoken word piece.
Now for the main part, the story. I didn't really get into it until the end, which was a very clever direction to take it. You did alright at the start, but it took a long time to go into the details you did, for us to only find out "He's being changed by some radioactive things". The little last verse was definitely an awesome idea and closed it off well.

Writer 2, I think you took a risk with such an out there topic. With so many ways, I think this could be very hard to connect to, but you took it in one of the few ways that worked out well. I really liked the use of vocab throughout. It was a good example of some well thought out wording, but without making it seem like you're trying to sound smart. You were very strong in that aspect. The rhyming was really strong for the most part, but I feel that once or twice it seemed a little bit forced. Also with the flow, with so many different styles rocking around, I found it quite hard at times to hop in and out of the flow of each section. Like when you've got your verse, then a quick haiku, then a verse, it'd be fine. But you had I think 5 different styles rocking around and at times I got a little lost. Your wording stood out most of all though. I felt you had the best idea in the whole thing with the "final page of the history books" line.
The story was good. Although at heart it was a bit generic, touching on the downsides of society, you masked it quite well. I didn't feel you had the strongest connection to the picture. You had the in general apocalypse idea, but I don't feel you really brought too much of the picture through with you.

Overall, I felt this was awesome. Both were very different, but both were awesome. I was really impressed guys and you've outdone yourselves for the final here. It's close, but to me, one has earned themself the win.

Writer 1 GETS MY VOTE

---------- Post added at 06:25 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:23 AM ----------

Writer 1 WINS 5-2

[RULE]

moved.

[RULE]

moved.