ATT ROUND 2: Writer 8 Vs Writer 9 - (Writer 9 Wins 5-1)

Writer 8 Vs Writer 9

This topical is part of the Anonymous Topical Tournament

Rules
There is just one topic this week; the picture.
Verses are due Saturday, June 29th.
Verses are to be sent to EtH via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 30-40 lines long.
In voting, 3-0 is a KO, otherwise, it is first to 5.

Picture

Writer 8 Vs Writer 9

This topical is part of the Anonymous Topical Tournament

Rules
There is just one topic this week; the picture.
Verses are due Saturday, June 29th.
Verses are to be sent to EtH via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 30-40 lines long.
In voting, 3-0 is a KO, otherwise, it is first to 5.

Picture

Writer 8

Deep in the "Hood" without Woods and surrounded by Wolves,there a house Stood/
Not occupied by 3 little Pigs,but instead a cabin made of "leaves and Twigs"/
Now,this is no ordinary house,the twigs and leaves I Speak Of,of course are "Reef" Blunts/
One Sunny Day,amidst the Gun Play there was 2 stoner Dudes named "Vader" and "Luke"/
Truth be told,they was a father and son Duo,Luke was Happy and funny, while Vader was evil and Cold/
As they Strolled through the Hood they noticed a Particular House/
Made of something they really wanted to Put In Their Mouths,bewildered by this amazing Site/
They busted out their "Lights" and begun to Partake,little did they know they was sealing their Fates/
After they picked off a Blunt,took some Puffs,this was good shit so Enough was Enough/
Their curiosity got the Best,so they opened the door made of joints,to see all the Rest/
To their Surprise with Eyes Wide,astonished,there stood a "bong" 10 feet High/
With little Furnishings in this house,besides "bean bags",they began Burning Things/
While they got so high they couldn't move from their bean bag chairs,a loud scream gives them a Scare/
They look at each other with Fright,so they open the door to go Outside,and there stands a beautiful Bride/
Dressed in White and elegant,their only thought is Intercourse,still not knowing the hell They're In For/ 15
She smiles at the Guys,with a magical twinkle in her Eyes,and insists "Please. come back Inside"/
Thinking this is Awesome,without Caution,knowing they wouldn't do her at the same Time/
Who to go first? They could barely Decide,"I made you and I'll make you a brother Before I Die" Vader stated/
So while Vader was "waxing that ass" Luke sat back and Masturbated/
As she was riding him,She Lit a blunt and Passed It,they exclaimed "this is Maginificent!"/
Luke stood up and said "my turn to Wreck This Bitch" and ripped off his clothes in a Second/
He barely struggled penetrating her with all the Wetness,she was dripping,"this must be Heaven" he said to himself/
"How can This Be?? this house of reefer and this beautiful woman Sexing Me? this must be a Dream"/
Just as he thought that to himself,Vader slid in her anus and she Screamed,and a moan,Vader was Pleased/
After still passing the blunt she had Lit,it was gone,time to "Roach It" so the woman Approached It/
Gently took it from Luke's hand,opened her Mouth,stuck her tongue Out Placed it and Ate It/
Now by now Luke and Vader know this is a crazy Bitch,but had no idea she was a literal Witch/
Who lures men to her house,with a cannibis Scent,under her spell as soon as a Piece of It's Lit/
She blows a cloud of smoke that puts Vader and Luke in a Trance,like zombies,but awkward with No Pants/
As she summons her giant Zig Zags,so stoned..all they can do is Laugh,knowing fullwell their Trapped/
With a wave of her finger,the men turn to what resembles Marijuana,with another wave their rolled Tight/
In White Papers another victim of "Queen Ganja" she puts those joints to those Sweet Lips and consumes your Spirit/
You can scream all you want,but entombed in your own mind,no one can Hear It!/

Vs

Writer 9

Tales of the corrupt: Chapter 1

My dick grew and immediately I knew I was going to be a Killer Actor
On set, I got a Blonde bitch tied up, stuffed, and served on a Silver Platter

READY…. ACTION

For a moment I stood there confused… Frozen and Stumped
The directors screaming, "Let's Go, Give her the Package and Open Her Up"
But I could see the fear and water in her eyes, and I too, was presumed unfaithful
But I also remembered my daughter's eyes when there is no food on the table
I quickly stepped on the court, and let my balls slam off her rim
In and out, Soaking wet, Penetrating again and again

FAST FOWARD A BIT

I give her one last thrust, she clenched, and the apple broke and rolled of the table
Thats a Wrap.. Great Job… "Dinner for a King" the producer Wrote on the label
"Alright, our work is finished.. Clean the set up.. Were Done, Props"
They took her out back, and I heard multiple gun shots
I just collect my payment and walk out of the studio knowing my morals are weak
No Sinful Distaste, this 'moment of sickness' was normal for me
So I go back home to my family, living a life full of lies
Until the next time I have to put the wool on their eyes

NEXT STUDIO JOB

"We have a little surprise for you", the Director said,
"Go ahead, start to get undressed
An unknown source had a new girl sent for some streaming
His rules were simple, keep the hood on until the end of the screening"

READY…. ACTION

Today, I was ready. I felt good, another paycheck for raping another girl
Money for sex,this job has to be greatest in the world
I begin with my tongue, slowly sliding it around the clitoris
and moving down until I hit her slit
In and out, Up and Down until I can taste her vaginal fluids
getting ready for me to put my dick in to it
She starts screaming with a tremor that's venomous
as I penetrate and enter her premises
I fuck her hard, blocking out her screams and cries
too stuck on how my family could believe these lies
Suddenly having an epiphany, while I was in the middle of action
Back and forth my mind Quibbled with a sense of passion
Until I realized, This had to stop, because I loved my family
On deck, In mid set, I pull out and yelled 'enough fantasy'
This has to stop, this girl shouldn't be fucked and left for dead
I shouted as I was frantically yanking the hood of her head
within seconds I stumbled back, my heart began to shrivel
My mind exploding with sick thoughts, getting hit with a thousand missiles
I squat with my hands on my knee's in disbelief with my back to the immovable horror
I knew what was next.. I knew the fate of my beautiful daughter.

Writer 8

Deep in the "Hood" without Woods and surrounded by Wolves,there a house Stood/
Not occupied by 3 little Pigs,but instead a cabin made of "leaves and Twigs"/
Now,this is no ordinary house,the twigs and leaves I Speak Of,of course are "Reef" Blunts/
One Sunny Day,amidst the Gun Play there was 2 stoner Dudes named "Vader" and "Luke"/
Truth be told,they was a father and son Duo,Luke was Happy and funny, while Vader was evil and Cold/
As they Strolled through the Hood they noticed a Particular House/
Made of something they really wanted to Put In Their Mouths,bewildered by this amazing Site/
They busted out their "Lights" and begun to Partake,little did they know they was sealing their Fates/
After they picked off a Blunt,took some Puffs,this was good shit so Enough was Enough/
Their curiosity got the Best,so they opened the door made of joints,to see all the Rest/
To their Surprise with Eyes Wide,astonished,there stood a "bong" 10 feet High/
With little Furnishings in this house,besides "bean bags",they began Burning Things/
While they got so high they couldn't move from their bean bag chairs,a loud scream gives them a Scare/
They look at each other with Fright,so they open the door to go Outside,and there stands a beautiful Bride/
Dressed in White and elegant,their only thought is Intercourse,still not knowing the hell They're In For/ 15
She smiles at the Guys,with a magical twinkle in her Eyes,and insists "Please. come back Inside"/
Thinking this is Awesome,without Caution,knowing they wouldn't do her at the same Time/
Who to go first? They could barely Decide,"I made you and I'll make you a brother Before I Die" Vader stated/
So while Vader was "waxing that ass" Luke sat back and Masturbated/
As she was riding him,She Lit a blunt and Passed It,they exclaimed "this is Maginificent!"/
Luke stood up and said "my turn to Wreck This Bitch" and ripped off his clothes in a Second/
He barely struggled penetrating her with all the Wetness,she was dripping,"this must be Heaven" he said to himself/
"How can This Be?? this house of reefer and this beautiful woman Sexing Me? this must be a Dream"/
Just as he thought that to himself,Vader slid in her anus and she Screamed,and a moan,Vader was Pleased/
After still passing the blunt she had Lit,it was gone,time to "Roach It" so the woman Approached It/
Gently took it from Luke's hand,opened her Mouth,stuck her tongue Out Placed it and Ate It/
Now by now Luke and Vader know this is a crazy Bitch,but had no idea she was a literal Witch/
Who lures men to her house,with a cannibis Scent,under her spell as soon as a Piece of It's Lit/
She blows a cloud of smoke that puts Vader and Luke in a Trance,like zombies,but awkward with No Pants/
As she summons her giant Zig Zags,so stoned..all they can do is Laugh,knowing fullwell their Trapped/
With a wave of her finger,the men turn to what resembles Marijuana,with another wave their rolled Tight/
In White Papers another victim of "Queen Ganja" she puts those joints to those Sweet Lips and consumes your Spirit/
You can scream all you want,but entombed in your own mind,no one can Hear It!/

Vs

Writer 9

Tales of the corrupt: Chapter 1

My dick grew and immediately I knew I was going to be a Killer Actor
On set, I got a Blonde bitch tied up, stuffed, and served on a Silver Platter

READY…. ACTION

For a moment I stood there confused… Frozen and Stumped
The directors screaming, "Let's Go, Give her the Package and Open Her Up"
But I could see the fear and water in her eyes, and I too, was presumed unfaithful
But I also remembered my daughter's eyes when there is no food on the table
I quickly stepped on the court, and let my balls slam off her rim
In and out, Soaking wet, Penetrating again and again

FAST FOWARD A BIT

I give her one last thrust, she clenched, and the apple broke and rolled of the table
Thats a Wrap.. Great Job… "Dinner for a King" the producer Wrote on the label
"Alright, our work is finished.. Clean the set up.. Were Done, Props"
They took her out back, and I heard multiple gun shots
I just collect my payment and walk out of the studio knowing my morals are weak
No Sinful Distaste, this 'moment of sickness' was normal for me
So I go back home to my family, living a life full of lies
Until the next time I have to put the wool on their eyes

NEXT STUDIO JOB

"We have a little surprise for you", the Director said,
"Go ahead, start to get undressed
An unknown source had a new girl sent for some streaming
His rules were simple, keep the hood on until the end of the screening"

READY…. ACTION

Today, I was ready. I felt good, another paycheck for raping another girl
Money for sex,this job has to be greatest in the world
I begin with my tongue, slowly sliding it around the clitoris
and moving down until I hit her slit
In and out, Up and Down until I can taste her vaginal fluids
getting ready for me to put my dick in to it
She starts screaming with a tremor that's venomous
as I penetrate and enter her premises
I fuck her hard, blocking out her screams and cries
too stuck on how my family could believe these lies
Suddenly having an epiphany, while I was in the middle of action
Back and forth my mind Quibbled with a sense of passion
Until I realized, This had to stop, because I loved my family
On deck, In mid set, I pull out and yelled 'enough fantasy'
This has to stop, this girl shouldn't be fucked and left for dead
I shouted as I was frantically yanking the hood of her head
within seconds I stumbled back, my heart began to shrivel
My mind exploding with sick thoughts, getting hit with a thousand missiles
I squat with my hands on my knee's in disbelief with my back to the immovable horror
I knew what was next.. I knew the fate of my beautiful daughter.

Writer #8
This was a strange piece, 3 little pigs, hansel and gretel, star wars, sexual stoner fantasy. You had all these pieces that you were trying to make fit together and I feel that it wasn't working out. It also seemed to me like your rhymes started to get simpler as the piece went on, as if you were getting lazy. Because you were drawing inspiration from all these familiar places, your ending became predictable. I knew what was going to happen long before I read it. Besides all of that, I wasn't making a real connection between the piece and the picture it was supposed to be based on. You did some things well here, but they were outweighed by a lot of flaws.

Writer #9
This was....interesting I guess. The scene was set well and the imagery was there. The story flowed well and the rhymes were nice and consistent throughout. The twist was pretty predictable and so the end didnt have the impact that it could have but that was the only real major flaw. You did a good job of using the picture you were given and making a story out of it. Not bad.

Winner writer #9

Writer #8
This was a strange piece, 3 little pigs, hansel and gretel, star wars, sexual stoner fantasy. You had all these pieces that you were trying to make fit together and I feel that it wasn't working out. It also seemed to me like your rhymes started to get simpler as the piece went on, as if you were getting lazy. Because you were drawing inspiration from all these familiar places, your ending became predictable. I knew what was going to happen long before I read it. Besides all of that, I wasn't making a real connection between the piece and the picture it was supposed to be based on. You did some things well here, but they were outweighed by a lot of flaws.

Writer #9
This was....interesting I guess. The scene was set well and the imagery was there. The story flowed well and the rhymes were nice and consistent throughout. The twist was pretty predictable and so the end didnt have the impact that it could have but that was the only real major flaw. You did a good job of using the picture you were given and making a story out of it. Not bad.

Winner writer #9

[Jam Jar]

Writer 8 - It was a really unusual idea that was quite hard to get into the mind, maybe coz W8 was out of his when he wrote it? It was real difficult to detect a flow to it and the rhymes - when they were there - were pretty simplistic. Topicals don't need to keep to a structure as tightly as battles - true - but if it's got like 1/5 of a flow, that's worse than being completely lacking in flow, coz it kind of leads you on at points then knocks you back.

Writer 9 - This one was more coherent and although the plot was crazy predictable (especially to those who know Immortal Technique's Dance with the Devil...) it had much more about it. The language used was simple, but was much clearer than the other guy, although there were fair few off rhymes. Good vocabulary though - I'm a brother to any man who uses the word quibble.

8 and 9 both had some of the same flaws, but one of them was structurally stronger and contained a better concept, even if it is one which is fairly well known as a Textbook Technique story.

I vote for Writer 9.

[Jam Jar]

Writer 8 - It was a really unusual idea that was quite hard to get into the mind, maybe coz W8 was out of his when he wrote it? It was real difficult to detect a flow to it and the rhymes - when they were there - were pretty simplistic. Topicals don't need to keep to a structure as tightly as battles - true - but if it's got like 1/5 of a flow, that's worse than being completely lacking in flow, coz it kind of leads you on at points then knocks you back.

Writer 9 - This one was more coherent and although the plot was crazy predictable (especially to those who know Immortal Technique's Dance with the Devil...) it had much more about it. The language used was simple, but was much clearer than the other guy, although there were fair few off rhymes. Good vocabulary though - I'm a brother to any man who uses the word quibble.

8 and 9 both had some of the same flaws, but one of them was structurally stronger and contained a better concept, even if it is one which is fairly well known as a Textbook Technique story.

I vote for Writer 9.

Writer 8 - took the picture and made a point that many people can associate with. The piece flowed smoothly but lacked pops throughout which would have kept the reader on their toes even more before the climax/reveal.

Writer 9's approach did not make it out of the box, which I THINK was the intention. Maybe a little more background for the character and better setup towards why he was all of a sudden doing his daughter.

I read it again and feel that it had more meat than Writer 8, but Writer 8 was more creative and took me their, which wasn't too hard considering it was about getting high, but still. More text was needed for Writer 9 I think.

Writer 8 (6/10) Writer 9 (5.5)

Sick thoughts from both. Nice!

Writer 8 - took the picture and made a point that many people can associate with. The piece flowed smoothly but lacked pops throughout which would have kept the reader on their toes even more before the climax/reveal.

Writer 9's approach did not make it out of the box, which I THINK was the intention. Maybe a little more background for the character and better setup towards why he was all of a sudden doing his daughter.

I read it again and feel that it had more meat than Writer 8, but Writer 8 was more creative and took me their, which wasn't too hard considering it was about getting high, but still. More text was needed for Writer 9 I think.

Writer 8 (6/10) Writer 9 (5.5)

Sick thoughts from both. Nice!

[Apollyon]

Writer 8 - you were a bit boring and i felt you could of shown a lot more lyricism within your verse.. I wasnt really feeling the story as well, it should of had a few twist to it or something more then just weed..

Writer 9 - I'm not much of a topical person but i had somewhat of the same idea as you writer 9.. My would have been strictly porn though.. I felt your stroy telling was good and the flow to your verse was nice and your multies helped with your verse a lot..

Vote: Writer 9

[Apollyon]

Writer 8 - you were a bit boring and i felt you could of shown a lot more lyricism within your verse.. I wasnt really feeling the story as well, it should of had a few twist to it or something more then just weed..

Writer 9 - I'm not much of a topical person but i had somewhat of the same idea as you writer 9.. My would have been strictly porn though.. I felt your stroy telling was good and the flow to your verse was nice and your multies helped with your verse a lot..

Vote: Writer 9

writer 8's first few lines had me already zoning out, too much description about one point, and i was zoned out throughout reading the whole piece. Rhyming was basic throughout as well. Writer 9 had me focused on the start no homo lol. liked the way he seperated each group of lines which made me feel i was going somewhere as i read on. Was just a lil over basic with the rhyming. He didnt spend too much time with detail on one point but the image was made, and the plot was progressing in a nice pace to keep me interested.

9>8

writer 8's first few lines had me already zoning out, too much description about one point, and i was zoned out throughout reading the whole piece. Rhyming was basic throughout as well. Writer 9 had me focused on the start no homo lol. liked the way he seperated each group of lines which made me feel i was going somewhere as i read on. Was just a lil over basic with the rhyming. He didnt spend too much time with detail on one point but the image was made, and the plot was progressing in a nice pace to keep me interested.

9>8

[InCizion]

I liked the beginning of writers 8 drop but than the whole Luke and Vader spin threw off the story imo...I felt writer 9 attacked the image better....... Flow was better with writer 9.... Thought writers 9 drop was the stronger verse overall.

Vote 9

[InCizion]

I liked the beginning of writers 8 drop but than the whole Luke and Vader spin threw off the story imo...I felt writer 9 attacked the image better....... Flow was better with writer 9.... Thought writers 9 drop was the stronger verse overall.

Vote 9

Writer 9 WINS 5-1

Writer 9 WINS 5-1

Writer 8: UhMAZING

Writer 8: UhMAZING