ATT 2018 ROUND 1: Writer 6 vs Writer 15 (Writer 15 wins 3-0)

[NOBLE]

Writer 6 vs. Writer 15

Rules
Verses are due by Thursday, February 8th at 11:59 PM Eastern (GMT-5).
Verses must be sent to NOBLE via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Voting is 3-0 KO or First to 5.
Writer numbers will be changed every round.
Check your PM to find out which number you are for the round.

Topic

[NOBLE]

Writer 6 vs. Writer 15

Rules
Verses are due by Thursday, February 8th at 11:59 PM Eastern (GMT-5).
Verses must be sent to NOBLE via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Voting is 3-0 KO or First to 5.
Writer numbers will be changed every round.
Check your PM to find out which number you are for the round.

Topic

[NOBLE]

Writer 6

...As I Journeyed Through The Forest, Of Darkened Tree's with Parched Beliefs, I Clutched 3 Papers and a Map That Presumably Marked Where Keys, Were Buried Under A Stump, Apart From Leaves.

....Somewhere in this Dense Collection of Nature a Treasure Was Buried. My Homie Said If We Hurried, We Could Avoid The Appearance Of the the Ghost That Lurked Amongst Us..Hmmph I Guess He Was Worried. But Not Me. He Seemed Abnormally Confident In Finding it. His Face Bore a Smile that Seemed Prominent with Convalesced Honor Since The Truth Was We Had Been Pals Our Whole Life!

......As We Pushed Further Into The Silence, He Slowed his Pace, and Slipped His Hand Into His Coat Pocket as If To Hold His Waist..I Looked back And Watched Intriguingly Feeling Cold.. Misplaced and Caught a Glimpse of Scowl As The Wind Moved the Hair From Over His Eyes and Showed His Face. But Before I could Assume Doom, I Stumbled Upon a Stump! So I Sat My Lantern Down, Unbeknownst To Me My Friend Had Gathered Round and Over My Shoulder he Reviewed the Tattered Brown Map with Egregious Eyes.

This Is it! The Location of The Treasure! My Heart Pounded Violent. My Conscious Waited For Celebratory Praise but the Resounding Silence accompanied by the Surrounding Climates, when Combined? Muffled All Of What Was Profound In Science. But While I Reviewed The Leaves And Scanned the Twigs I began to Dig. With No Help From My Homie, I Kind Of Came To The Conclusion that This Plan was Rigged! I Heard His Coat Flutter, and I could Feel The Pride In His Stride...But before My Eyes Could Provide, Truth To The Lies In My Mind.. He Placed A Clammy Hand On My Back and Slide a Knife In My Side..I Dropped and As I Lay there wide to the Skies, a Bigger Dissapointment than Not Being Able to Comprise The Prize, Was the Fact that Right Before He Pulled The Keys From The Myre I Died....

VS

Writer 15

I crept along, concealed by a shroud of darkness and overpowering silence.
Urgency surged through me as I slunk through the forest, my heart pounding; my mind tense.
Surely, I'd of found him by now; he couldn't have gotten far with what he'd taken.
Perhaps he's rerouted? My thinking's clouded? Did he take it? I could be mistaken.
Who was he? He doesn't even know what he's stolen... does he? I'll find him, I'll get it back.
I froze dead in my tracks, I'd heard a twig snap ahead of me, in the endless black.
My breath escaped my lungs as I closed my eyes, straining my ears for another clue.
I heard a metallic clank. I sharply inhaled, drew my knife and begun pursuit.
I came upon his camp, shadows dancing menacingly in the glowing lamp light.
Quickly, I planned my attack; I knew that I was going to take his man's life.
With the most painstaking of clandestine efforts, I circled myself to his rear.
He was reading IT, which infuriated me more as I cautiously drew in near...
He let out a small grunt as my knife pierced his side, I smiled at his surprise.
As he turned to me, I plunged the knife in his chest- staring into his bulging eyes.
His blood spilled onto my hands and cascaded to the ground as I sliced across his throat.
He gurgled and slumped to the ground, oozing crimson at a fatal rate upon his coat.
I stepped over him and picked it up. Something was wrong. I took a long look.
Ah, shit. I can't believe it but it wasn't even him. This is the fucking wrong book.
Turns out, I left mine on the toilet. Now I'm in prison, locked up behind closed doors.
But it's for the best. I won't kill anyone else when I'm high on bath salts no more.

[NOBLE]

Writer 6

...As I Journeyed Through The Forest, Of Darkened Tree's with Parched Beliefs, I Clutched 3 Papers and a Map That Presumably Marked Where Keys, Were Buried Under A Stump, Apart From Leaves.

....Somewhere in this Dense Collection of Nature a Treasure Was Buried. My Homie Said If We Hurried, We Could Avoid The Appearance Of the the Ghost That Lurked Amongst Us..Hmmph I Guess He Was Worried. But Not Me. He Seemed Abnormally Confident In Finding it. His Face Bore a Smile that Seemed Prominent with Convalesced Honor Since The Truth Was We Had Been Pals Our Whole Life!

......As We Pushed Further Into The Silence, He Slowed his Pace, and Slipped His Hand Into His Coat Pocket as If To Hold His Waist..I Looked back And Watched Intriguingly Feeling Cold.. Misplaced and Caught a Glimpse of Scowl As The Wind Moved the Hair From Over His Eyes and Showed His Face. But Before I could Assume Doom, I Stumbled Upon a Stump! So I Sat My Lantern Down, Unbeknownst To Me My Friend Had Gathered Round and Over My Shoulder he Reviewed the Tattered Brown Map with Egregious Eyes.

This Is it! The Location of The Treasure! My Heart Pounded Violent. My Conscious Waited For Celebratory Praise but the Resounding Silence accompanied by the Surrounding Climates, when Combined? Muffled All Of What Was Profound In Science. But While I Reviewed The Leaves And Scanned the Twigs I began to Dig. With No Help From My Homie, I Kind Of Came To The Conclusion that This Plan was Rigged! I Heard His Coat Flutter, and I could Feel The Pride In His Stride...But before My Eyes Could Provide, Truth To The Lies In My Mind.. He Placed A Clammy Hand On My Back and Slide a Knife In My Side..I Dropped and As I Lay there wide to the Skies, a Bigger Dissapointment than Not Being Able to Comprise The Prize, Was the Fact that Right Before He Pulled The Keys From The Myre I Died....

VS

Writer 15

I crept along, concealed by a shroud of darkness and overpowering silence.
Urgency surged through me as I slunk through the forest, my heart pounding; my mind tense.
Surely, I'd of found him by now; he couldn't have gotten far with what he'd taken.
Perhaps he's rerouted? My thinking's clouded? Did he take it? I could be mistaken.
Who was he? He doesn't even know what he's stolen... does he? I'll find him, I'll get it back.
I froze dead in my tracks, I'd heard a twig snap ahead of me, in the endless black.
My breath escaped my lungs as I closed my eyes, straining my ears for another clue.
I heard a metallic clank. I sharply inhaled, drew my knife and begun pursuit.
I came upon his camp, shadows dancing menacingly in the glowing lamp light.
Quickly, I planned my attack; I knew that I was going to take his man's life.
With the most painstaking of clandestine efforts, I circled myself to his rear.
He was reading IT, which infuriated me more as I cautiously drew in near...
He let out a small grunt as my knife pierced his side, I smiled at his surprise.
As he turned to me, I plunged the knife in his chest- staring into his bulging eyes.
His blood spilled onto my hands and cascaded to the ground as I sliced across his throat.
He gurgled and slumped to the ground, oozing crimson at a fatal rate upon his coat.
I stepped over him and picked it up. Something was wrong. I took a long look.
Ah, shit. I can't believe it but it wasn't even him. This is the fucking wrong book.
Turns out, I left mine on the toilet. Now I'm in prison, locked up behind closed doors.
But it's for the best. I won't kill anyone else when I'm high on bath salts no more.

[NOBLE]

If anyone is unsure of how to assess and vote on a topical, read this thread: https://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=111399

[NOBLE]

If anyone is unsure of how to assess and vote on a topical, read this thread: https://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=111399

Well this one was weird tbh . Two obvious approaches but different perspectives... one's flow was all over the place, even didn't rhyme at times, had bad grammar, improper use of commas and apostrophes and felt like he was using vocab to sound fancy instead of making sense .. (Darkened Tree's with Parched Beliefs - what the heck is a tree with parched beliefs?) It was sloppy over all. And i almost lost it at the use of the word "homie". Slang of the like should NOT be in a topical . Ending was predictable too.

Other had basic flow, nothing special or praiseworthy.. made more sense and was more structured neatly , but the plot twist almost lost him the match here. Good idea yes, but all for a book? What is it about this book? And this tenure existed because dude was high? Seemed somewhat like a ghetto ending for a piece that started elegantly.

All in all writer 15 was more tolerable but needs consistency.. if a piece starts elegantly, end it that way too.

Well this one was weird tbh . Two obvious approaches but different perspectives... one's flow was all over the place, even didn't rhyme at times, had bad grammar, improper use of commas and apostrophes and felt like he was using vocab to sound fancy instead of making sense .. (Darkened Tree's with Parched Beliefs - what the heck is a tree with parched beliefs?) It was sloppy over all. And i almost lost it at the use of the word "homie". Slang of the like should NOT be in a topical . Ending was predictable too.

Other had basic flow, nothing special or praiseworthy.. made more sense and was more structured neatly , but the plot twist almost lost him the match here. Good idea yes, but all for a book? What is it about this book? And this tenure existed because dude was high? Seemed somewhat like a ghetto ending for a piece that started elegantly.

All in all writer 15 was more tolerable but needs consistency.. if a piece starts elegantly, end it that way too.

[Shodan]

Eh. I wasn't really feeling either verse and I don't have much insight on them, so this expo will be brief compared to the ones I've dropped on the other battles this round.

Writer 6: This was alright, I guess. I'll admit that I don't quite understand the storyline. But execution-wise you had some horrible spots. In a lot of your multi sets, it was obvious you that wrote them just to continue the scheme, and they were incredibly forced. For example: what are Parched Beliefs? Did your heart pound violent, or did it actually pound violently? Just wondering. 5 out of 10.

Writer 15: I felt this verse was clearer than Writer 6's, both in terms of conveying its subject matter and its execution. Technically it was less complex, but the improved readability more than made up for it. The storyline was not only obvious, but you just had to end it with "oops I was on drugs," which at this point might as well be "And then I woke up." 5.5 out of 10.

MVGT: Writer 15

[Shodan]

Eh. I wasn't really feeling either verse and I don't have much insight on them, so this expo will be brief compared to the ones I've dropped on the other battles this round.

Writer 6: This was alright, I guess. I'll admit that I don't quite understand the storyline. But execution-wise you had some horrible spots. In a lot of your multi sets, it was obvious you that wrote them just to continue the scheme, and they were incredibly forced. For example: what are Parched Beliefs? Did your heart pound violent, or did it actually pound violently? Just wondering. 5 out of 10.

Writer 15: I felt this verse was clearer than Writer 6's, both in terms of conveying its subject matter and its execution. Technically it was less complex, but the improved readability more than made up for it. The storyline was not only obvious, but you just had to end it with "oops I was on drugs," which at this point might as well be "And then I woke up." 5.5 out of 10.

MVGT: Writer 15

MVGT: Writer 15.

Felt 6 was good at providing an effective imagery, but a lot of the vocabulary used was kind of odd and it made for some awkward phrasing. It was also kind of hard at times to keep with the flow because the rhyming pattern was being switched too often.

15 took what seemed to be the standard approach to the topic at hand, but was able to spin a completely different twist on it in comparison to what I was actually expecting. Really felt that was effective in giving him the nod here.

MVGT: Writer 15.

Felt 6 was good at providing an effective imagery, but a lot of the vocabulary used was kind of odd and it made for some awkward phrasing. It was also kind of hard at times to keep with the flow because the rhyming pattern was being switched too often.

15 took what seemed to be the standard approach to the topic at hand, but was able to spin a completely different twist on it in comparison to what I was actually expecting. Really felt that was effective in giving him the nod here.

[NOBLE]

Writer 15 wins by 3-0 KO. Congrats!

[NOBLE]

Writer 15 wins by 3-0 KO. Congrats!