ATT QF: Writer 4 Vs Writer 6 - (Writer 4 Wins 5-3)

Writer 4 Vs Writer 6

This topical is part of the Anonymous Topical Tournament

Rules
Verses are due Saturday, July 10th.
Verses are to be sent to EtH via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 30-40 lines long.
In voting, this battle will be first to 5 wins.

Picture

Writer 4 Vs Writer 6

This topical is part of the Anonymous Topical Tournament

Rules
Verses are due Saturday, July 10th.
Verses are to be sent to EtH via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 30-40 lines long.
In voting, this battle will be first to 5 wins.

Picture

Writer 4

The Hourglass Path

Existence is contained in an individual system
Mandated via focused attention in a visual prism
An hourglass, as hours pass gentle grains plummet softly
As do people who slip through, peaceful, while the sun sits glossy
Irradiating important instances in a golden haze
Holds it's rays of molten blaze over events from olden days
We're told to gaze upon the past through the narrow waist
But let sands of time's bandage blind like in a pharaohs place
Those we don't interact with fall below, where the trash is
All alone, barely ashes, where cold winter's grasp hits
While stronger personas muster past the minimum
Struggle to hold position in the upper half continuum
Though without active mindfulness they won't find full bliss
Destined to slip into the unkempt environments
Sun-swept retirement where they wait to be entombed
Since the lost of last lives is blatantly assumed

I left a lot behind, that dirty rotten crime
Mixed minutes with messy people, the down trodden kind
Slowly switched spots, in time, for better things
A nice life with the wife type and tempered rings
I let her bring direction, substitute for substances
The extra push to start busting through, be done with this
Which worked, until my butterfly had begun to die
Left to wonder why I caught her with another guy
Not even yesterday, when better ways spanned the horizon
Still have no answers for why and damn that I'm cryin
In a park in the dark and I shouldn't be there again
Found an old friend, empty eyes that I'm starin in
Isn't rememberin me, I should be scared of him
My familiar host approaches with my old heroine, heroin

Went beyond, never gave a second though to the sour past
Until I saw you today and it flipped my hourglass

Vs

Writer 6

TRAPPED IN A HOURGLASS

INTRODUCTION

It all takes place in no dream, neither a sequel of death,
In an hourglass with no sand – its people instead,
a place with no reason to feel gleeful and blessed,
Kronus is the keeper, his mind so evil and messed,
Flips the hourglass once a year, that day’s full of yearly whimpers
‘cause the ones to drop first either die or are severely injured
durability and your stance on this day makes official your safety
we get the strength from nutrients by sucking the nipples of ladies,
they know the importance of their breast so they aint gigglin’ greatly
cause that’s our only source of food, it doesn’t seem civil, it’s crazy
but we suck solely for that day, to endure every obstacle
so we can live on and see if getting out will ever be possible…
there’s a myth that if you’re out of here and into the wide and open
one will evolve from mini size to the size of Kronus.
As we lived on as some died, we’ve gotten further acquainted
shared our hopes and dreams via murmurs and waited..

DAY 358 - ONE WEEK BEFORE ROTATION

Still don’t remember how I got here or how long its been
that we have been here and lived on without oxygen
and now there’s only one female remaining
and without her, we’d easily die, so we tried to keep on retaining.
while standing in line for the nipple, I looked up and saw
what appeared to be a little hole on the side of the middle
I had to tell William the Wisest but Crippled
from the many times he has survived in this pickle
he was ahead of the line, so I left this spot
and tapped his shoulder as he turned and asked “you have a question, Scott? “
I gently pulled him out the line cause he was weakly jointed
and went to my spot where I told him “look” as I discretely pointed
and his eyes widened, whispered “Eureka, this best not be a blasted reverie”
as he blinked tightly, taking pics with his photographic memory
did some things with his hands and said “My god”, yet he claimed Athiest
he said “that hole is too small, we need someone with the same radius.”
He spent some time going around mentally measurin’ ones
from their shoulder to the middle of their head till he said “better give up”
till he realized he aint check me out like a libraries’ television
and he mentally measured then smiled and said “yes let’s end this mission!”
“we got to get you trained in strength for this exit that you came upon,
this is our only chance Scott, you’re the one that can save us all!”

DAY 364 – MINUTES BEFORE DAY OF ROTATION

William made calculations to determine where’s the perfect spot
so I got myself positioned whilst standing like a nervous mom
now Kronus appeared as expected, he’s about to turn this clock
and now it’s my show until the curtains drop.
he turned it 180 degrees quickly so no time was wasted
and we all began to fall, my heart beating, all tight n racin’,
the hole was coming quick, I was questioning whether I can make it
and before I knew it I was hanging on, tighter than the eyes of Asians
I looked down to see cryin’ faces, hit the bottom, and their movements ruined,
and William passed by giving me a look that said “you can do this”
so I climbed “nervously, feeling badass” like first time truant students
as I climed and I easily fit through like some diluted fluid
crawled through and fell on to the surface of this strange dimension
I immediately looked at Kronus and I saw his face with tension
but luckily, it was to the hourglass that he paid attention
and all of a sudden I felt a rather quaint ascension
the myth was true! I “rose” like the US embassy
he was sitting cross-legged, my shadow towered and then he
turned around. I felt like Marley; the way he stared dreadfully
with his eyes poppin’ like Goodman, he got up and fled the scene
My kind are finally relieved, I shared their empathy
as I grabbed the hourglass, peered and said “we have changed our destiny.”

Writer 4

The Hourglass Path

Existence is contained in an individual system
Mandated via focused attention in a visual prism
An hourglass, as hours pass gentle grains plummet softly
As do people who slip through, peaceful, while the sun sits glossy
Irradiating important instances in a golden haze
Holds it's rays of molten blaze over events from olden days
We're told to gaze upon the past through the narrow waist
But let sands of time's bandage blind like in a pharaohs place
Those we don't interact with fall below, where the trash is
All alone, barely ashes, where cold winter's grasp hits
While stronger personas muster past the minimum
Struggle to hold position in the upper half continuum
Though without active mindfulness they won't find full bliss
Destined to slip into the unkempt environments
Sun-swept retirement where they wait to be entombed
Since the lost of last lives is blatantly assumed

I left a lot behind, that dirty rotten crime
Mixed minutes with messy people, the down trodden kind
Slowly switched spots, in time, for better things
A nice life with the wife type and tempered rings
I let her bring direction, substitute for substances
The extra push to start busting through, be done with this
Which worked, until my butterfly had begun to die
Left to wonder why I caught her with another guy
Not even yesterday, when better ways spanned the horizon
Still have no answers for why and damn that I'm cryin
In a park in the dark and I shouldn't be there again
Found an old friend, empty eyes that I'm starin in
Isn't rememberin me, I should be scared of him
My familiar host approaches with my old heroine, heroin

Went beyond, never gave a second though to the sour past
Until I saw you today and it flipped my hourglass

Vs

Writer 6

TRAPPED IN A HOURGLASS

INTRODUCTION

It all takes place in no dream, neither a sequel of death,
In an hourglass with no sand – its people instead,
a place with no reason to feel gleeful and blessed,
Kronus is the keeper, his mind so evil and messed,
Flips the hourglass once a year, that day’s full of yearly whimpers
‘cause the ones to drop first either die or are severely injured
durability and your stance on this day makes official your safety
we get the strength from nutrients by sucking the nipples of ladies,
they know the importance of their breast so they aint gigglin’ greatly
cause that’s our only source of food, it doesn’t seem civil, it’s crazy
but we suck solely for that day, to endure every obstacle
so we can live on and see if getting out will ever be possible…
there’s a myth that if you’re out of here and into the wide and open
one will evolve from mini size to the size of Kronus.
As we lived on as some died, we’ve gotten further acquainted
shared our hopes and dreams via murmurs and waited..

DAY 358 - ONE WEEK BEFORE ROTATION

Still don’t remember how I got here or how long its been
that we have been here and lived on without oxygen
and now there’s only one female remaining
and without her, we’d easily die, so we tried to keep on retaining.
while standing in line for the nipple, I looked up and saw
what appeared to be a little hole on the side of the middle
I had to tell William the Wisest but Crippled
from the many times he has survived in this pickle
he was ahead of the line, so I left this spot
and tapped his shoulder as he turned and asked “you have a question, Scott? “
I gently pulled him out the line cause he was weakly jointed
and went to my spot where I told him “look” as I discretely pointed
and his eyes widened, whispered “Eureka, this best not be a blasted reverie”
as he blinked tightly, taking pics with his photographic memory
did some things with his hands and said “My god”, yet he claimed Athiest
he said “that hole is too small, we need someone with the same radius.”
He spent some time going around mentally measurin’ ones
from their shoulder to the middle of their head till he said “better give up”
till he realized he aint check me out like a libraries’ television
and he mentally measured then smiled and said “yes let’s end this mission!”
“we got to get you trained in strength for this exit that you came upon,
this is our only chance Scott, you’re the one that can save us all!”

DAY 364 – MINUTES BEFORE DAY OF ROTATION

William made calculations to determine where’s the perfect spot
so I got myself positioned whilst standing like a nervous mom
now Kronus appeared as expected, he’s about to turn this clock
and now it’s my show until the curtains drop.
he turned it 180 degrees quickly so no time was wasted
and we all began to fall, my heart beating, all tight n racin’,
the hole was coming quick, I was questioning whether I can make it
and before I knew it I was hanging on, tighter than the eyes of Asians
I looked down to see cryin’ faces, hit the bottom, and their movements ruined,
and William passed by giving me a look that said “you can do this”
so I climbed “nervously, feeling badass” like first time truant students
as I climed and I easily fit through like some diluted fluid
crawled through and fell on to the surface of this strange dimension
I immediately looked at Kronus and I saw his face with tension
but luckily, it was to the hourglass that he paid attention
and all of a sudden I felt a rather quaint ascension
the myth was true! I “rose” like the US embassy
he was sitting cross-legged, my shadow towered and then he
turned around. I felt like Marley; the way he stared dreadfully
with his eyes poppin’ like Goodman, he got up and fled the scene
My kind are finally relieved, I shared their empathy
as I grabbed the hourglass, peered and said “we have changed our destiny.”

[The Law]

Writer 4: Had some poetic literacy involved. Some places you slipped up in that aspect. The overall piece was dope and I enjoyed reading. I liked how you converted the hourglass into a metaphor. The whole piece flowed well and you get a great usage of words. I liked how in one phase you basically described the hourglass and then went onto about yourself. Very nice ending too.

Writer 6: Unique storyline that was followed throughout the whole verse from the start to finish. You incorporated the hourglass within that story very well and the flow was on point. The storyline itself was simplisitic and after the reader starts reading he can predict everything that is going to happen next. There was not much of a twist. Scott found a way out, got out and Kronus left thus changing their destiny. Your vocab usage was good also.

MVGT: Writer 4 - This is strictly based on preference since both verses were good and enjoyable IMO

[The Law]

Writer 4: Had some poetic literacy involved. Some places you slipped up in that aspect. The overall piece was dope and I enjoyed reading. I liked how you converted the hourglass into a metaphor. The whole piece flowed well and you get a great usage of words. I liked how in one phase you basically described the hourglass and then went onto about yourself. Very nice ending too.

Writer 6: Unique storyline that was followed throughout the whole verse from the start to finish. You incorporated the hourglass within that story very well and the flow was on point. The storyline itself was simplisitic and after the reader starts reading he can predict everything that is going to happen next. There was not much of a twist. Scott found a way out, got out and Kronus left thus changing their destiny. Your vocab usage was good also.

MVGT: Writer 4 - This is strictly based on preference since both verses were good and enjoyable IMO

Writer 4, your opener is something i haven't seen in a topical in a minute.. It was more original & fresh. I like the direction you took throughout your topical verse. Very good schemes to keep the piece together and how you branched on to the actual story wasn't the best but it was still good. Writer 6, The picture you tried to paint was more unique than strange. Again, your intro was badass.. What's with these dope intros! I liked how you kept the momentum throughout your entry as well. Concepts weren't wowing but you had that skill to keep up with what you had left. I've noticed that the setting changed a few times which was cool. You used a different strategy from the last round. But, overall, both were unique reads. MVGT................. Writer 4

Writer 4, your opener is something i haven't seen in a topical in a minute.. It was more original & fresh. I like the direction you took throughout your topical verse. Very good schemes to keep the piece together and how you branched on to the actual story wasn't the best but it was still good. Writer 6, The picture you tried to paint was more unique than strange. Again, your intro was badass.. What's with these dope intros! I liked how you kept the momentum throughout your entry as well. Concepts weren't wowing but you had that skill to keep up with what you had left. I've noticed that the setting changed a few times which was cool. You used a different strategy from the last round. But, overall, both were unique reads. MVGT................. Writer 4

[InCizion]

Both writer 4 and 6 had some real good flows to their drop.. I feel writer 4 edges 6 with their overall flow.....

The story..... Writer 6 went with a more straight forward approach while writer 4 was more abstract with his. This is going to be a matter of opinion because both writers are good...

Writer 6 needs to keep the line count right..


I'll have to go with writer 6..I liked his straight forward approach overall.... This was a hard decision.. RESPECT GIVEN TO NUMBER 4!....

[InCizion]

Both writer 4 and 6 had some real good flows to their drop.. I feel writer 4 edges 6 with their overall flow.....

The story..... Writer 6 went with a more straight forward approach while writer 4 was more abstract with his. This is going to be a matter of opinion because both writers are good...

Writer 6 needs to keep the line count right..


I'll have to go with writer 6..I liked his straight forward approach overall.... This was a hard decision.. RESPECT GIVEN TO NUMBER 4!....

[Iron Mike]

Pretty interesting and enjoyable read from both. Both writers had really nice flow. I felt Writer 4's flow and use of language was slightly better though. The only thing I didn't like about Writer 4's piece was the second part where he was talking about an ex girlfriend or something. I understood how he was trying to tie it into the hourglass theme. In the end, he even mentions that seeing her today is what "flipped his hourglass." I still felt it was kinda going in a different direction and took away from the momentum that had been built up from reading the first part.
Writer 6 had an equal skill level, but the writing style was slightly less enjoyable to me personally. However, Writer 6 told a better story. Incorporating Kronos, the keeper of time, and the people in the hourglass's plot to escape was just more creative and imaginative to me. The only thing I didn't like was some of the metaphors used. You get kudos for using metaphors, but some of them seemed anachronistic and out of place. Like they wouldn't have been the type of comparison that someone who would tell such a story would make imo. This story seemed like something that would have taken place in ancient Greek mythology, so saying “rose like the US embassy" or "tighter than the eyes of Asians" was just off. If someone in ancient Greece or in an hourglass wanted to describe how tight something was, it probably wouldn't be that. You have to put yourself in their world and their time, not in ours (the readers). That's just my opinion anyways. Overall, with all things considered, my vote goes to Writer 6 just for the sheer creativity and how much more interesting the story was. Vote: Writer 6

[Iron Mike]

Pretty interesting and enjoyable read from both. Both writers had really nice flow. I felt Writer 4's flow and use of language was slightly better though. The only thing I didn't like about Writer 4's piece was the second part where he was talking about an ex girlfriend or something. I understood how he was trying to tie it into the hourglass theme. In the end, he even mentions that seeing her today is what "flipped his hourglass." I still felt it was kinda going in a different direction and took away from the momentum that had been built up from reading the first part.
Writer 6 had an equal skill level, but the writing style was slightly less enjoyable to me personally. However, Writer 6 told a better story. Incorporating Kronos, the keeper of time, and the people in the hourglass's plot to escape was just more creative and imaginative to me. The only thing I didn't like was some of the metaphors used. You get kudos for using metaphors, but some of them seemed anachronistic and out of place. Like they wouldn't have been the type of comparison that someone who would tell such a story would make imo. This story seemed like something that would have taken place in ancient Greek mythology, so saying “rose like the US embassy" or "tighter than the eyes of Asians" was just off. If someone in ancient Greece or in an hourglass wanted to describe how tight something was, it probably wouldn't be that. You have to put yourself in their world and their time, not in ours (the readers). That's just my opinion anyways. Overall, with all things considered, my vote goes to Writer 6 just for the sheer creativity and how much more interesting the story was. Vote: Writer 6

Writer 4, I'll start with the few negatives I found. Up until the gap in paragraphs, I didn't have any conception of what you were writing about. I couldn't really see anything that indicated the direction we were heading in and felt it didn't really add to the story. When we got into the actual topic, I felt you were quite generic. Drugs and broken heart, it's nothing we haven't seen before. Now for the positives. I felt your writing was done VERY well. You had alliteration at your disposal, a great choice of words, good rhyming for the most part, and the ending was a great idea. I feel that your original idea let you down here, but your writing style alone was superb and if you manage to get a solid concept down before you start putting pen to paper, you'll be able to produce a classic piece.

Writer 6, to start I HATED the metaphors. They had absolutely no bearing on the piece. Your character is supposed to be one confined by this hourglass for his existence, so why is there references to school truants, racist mentions of the eyes of an Asian, and the US embassy? If you're going to use metaphors, use some things that the character could actually have some concept of. I felt the story was very original. You had some great flow and rhyming early, but I felt you got a little worse in this aspect. I kept feeling that there would be some reason you named him Scott or something, but it never arose. I felt like I was constantly trying to come up with an interpretation or flip to what you were saying, but it never came.

Overall, a surprisingly close one. Writer 4 brought the flawless writing style, while Writer 6 brought an original story. To me, the one who takes this displayed more talents and was a more visual piece. Good shit guys.

MVGT// Writer 4

Writer 4, I'll start with the few negatives I found. Up until the gap in paragraphs, I didn't have any conception of what you were writing about. I couldn't really see anything that indicated the direction we were heading in and felt it didn't really add to the story. When we got into the actual topic, I felt you were quite generic. Drugs and broken heart, it's nothing we haven't seen before. Now for the positives. I felt your writing was done VERY well. You had alliteration at your disposal, a great choice of words, good rhyming for the most part, and the ending was a great idea. I feel that your original idea let you down here, but your writing style alone was superb and if you manage to get a solid concept down before you start putting pen to paper, you'll be able to produce a classic piece.

Writer 6, to start I HATED the metaphors. They had absolutely no bearing on the piece. Your character is supposed to be one confined by this hourglass for his existence, so why is there references to school truants, racist mentions of the eyes of an Asian, and the US embassy? If you're going to use metaphors, use some things that the character could actually have some concept of. I felt the story was very original. You had some great flow and rhyming early, but I felt you got a little worse in this aspect. I kept feeling that there would be some reason you named him Scott or something, but it never arose. I felt like I was constantly trying to come up with an interpretation or flip to what you were saying, but it never came.

Overall, a surprisingly close one. Writer 4 brought the flawless writing style, while Writer 6 brought an original story. To me, the one who takes this displayed more talents and was a more visual piece. Good shit guys.

MVGT// Writer 4

Writer 4. Really liked what you did with this piece. You used a lot of literary elements and had a nice flow, rhyme, and pacing. I really liked the final couplet and thought it had a good emotional impact and was a smart way to end the verse.

Writer 6. I felt like the pacing of this verse wasn't working and it made it hard to get through. The events felt drawn out and I wasn't being compelled to feel any investment in the story. I don't think it was bad, it just wasn't gripping me.

Winner, writer 4.

Writer 4. Really liked what you did with this piece. You used a lot of literary elements and had a nice flow, rhyme, and pacing. I really liked the final couplet and thought it had a good emotional impact and was a smart way to end the verse.

Writer 6. I felt like the pacing of this verse wasn't working and it made it hard to get through. The events felt drawn out and I wasn't being compelled to feel any investment in the story. I don't think it was bad, it just wasn't gripping me.

Winner, writer 4.

[Duh Great Whyte]

I liked both's flow very well, and both seemed to stay on topic, however my vote goes to the person who gave it more effort and produced and a better constructed and thought out verse.

-Writer 6

[Duh Great Whyte]

I liked both's flow very well, and both seemed to stay on topic, however my vote goes to the person who gave it more effort and produced and a better constructed and thought out verse.

-Writer 6

[Snoopy316]

when taking a first look at the two verses I thought writer 6 got something big going with those big heading and longer writs. but Writer 4 showed more advance writing in terms of story telling tbh, both tells a story but I feel writers 4 story more especially the second paragraph where it ties it together. seems like he's telling a story from his life. making it real. so writer 4 is my vote, but it was kinda close.

[Snoopy316]

when taking a first look at the two verses I thought writer 6 got something big going with those big heading and longer writs. but Writer 4 showed more advance writing in terms of story telling tbh, both tells a story but I feel writers 4 story more especially the second paragraph where it ties it together. seems like he's telling a story from his life. making it real. so writer 4 is my vote, but it was kinda close.