Louie Dawgs (0-0) Vs. RhetoriK (0-0) Topical

[Louie Dawgs]

House rules. No biting, swaying, ect ect.

VOTE IN THE POLL

16 bars, topic: "Weapons of mass Destruction"

Once verses are in, only votes and bumps please.

First to five. three to KO. Explained votes only, Thank Yew.

[Louie Dawgs]

House rules. No biting, swaying, ect ect.

VOTE IN THE POLL

16 bars, topic: "Weapons of mass Destruction"

Once verses are in, only votes and bumps please.

First to five. three to KO. Explained votes only, Thank Yew.

[Louie Dawgs]

Okay yo..
I just made it 16, I wasn't gonna do 32
Dropping now, I"m gonna be gone later...been busy.


my footsteps silently travel upon broken temples to the lasciviousness of humanity unfurled
The splendor of man, now rendered as nothing more then building blocks for the creation of the natural world
Twain would give but his soul for the irony embedded in this construction
The eventual downfall of the creature, instigated from his own primordial desire for destruction.
My feet grace broken gravel, lonely remants of mans function
The only inhabitants live in a broken corridor, the same one referenced in dylan's soliliquies
Where mankind's desolation and epiphanies reside within the same circle of depravity
Where war and peace take their true positons on the same hemisphere of the human psyche
The corridor's walls are arrayed with images of Hitler and Ghandi correlated under the same colors
The true predisposition of human existance truly realized with no cover
exposes war and peace as the same symbiant, equivalent to a child and mother
indiffusible, they exist, inseperable as well
The human mind the sole creator of mankinds insufferable hell
I leave the corridor for an outdoors covered in a dusty veil
and realize the mother and child are truly Saturn and it's welp
Eventually it will only destroy it's health. The only weapon of mass destruction humanity needs. Itself.

Okay, not the best ever..shoot me.

[Louie Dawgs]

Okay yo..
I just made it 16, I wasn't gonna do 32
Dropping now, I"m gonna be gone later...been busy.


my footsteps silently travel upon broken temples to the lasciviousness of humanity unfurled
The splendor of man, now rendered as nothing more then building blocks for the creation of the natural world
Twain would give but his soul for the irony embedded in this construction
The eventual downfall of the creature, instigated from his own primordial desire for destruction.
My feet grace broken gravel, lonely remants of mans function
The only inhabitants live in a broken corridor, the same one referenced in dylan's soliliquies
Where mankind's desolation and epiphanies reside within the same circle of depravity
Where war and peace take their true positons on the same hemisphere of the human psyche
The corridor's walls are arrayed with images of Hitler and Ghandi correlated under the same colors
The true predisposition of human existance truly realized with no cover
exposes war and peace as the same symbiant, equivalent to a child and mother
indiffusible, they exist, inseperable as well
The human mind the sole creator of mankinds insufferable hell
I leave the corridor for an outdoors covered in a dusty veil
and realize the mother and child are truly Saturn and it's welp
Eventually it will only destroy it's health. The only weapon of mass destruction humanity needs. Itself.

Okay, not the best ever..shoot me.

[RhetoriK]

ARE THEY?
Benetar dark-arts to Equinox light-hearts or Mortar Ark 'somewhere over rainbows' and synogouges?
Balthazar convinced God to 'split odds' with atom bombs - pushing 'Hiroshima' back through Sai'gon and Vietnam
'Magazines-rip' ..now soldiers 'open books' - sidewinder 'iron fisted jabs at sea' 'Captain Hooked'
turret-armament six headed-hydra serpent-spit subs 'torpedo-heat' the wet abyss in vapor mists
Flagrant forms of 'anti-war' through swollen spores - vapid pores contracting sores from leapor whores / or...
outward racists.. sub7[virus] laced in gov'ment databases - death faces in masks trapsin' a vast labyrinth of mazes to 'get wasted'
the black angel cries out to rain upon with virul graces - slave to 'concentration' and demonstrations of arts, science, and nature
mental emacipation couldn't top this day of greatness - life evasive closing the valence of death draped on backs of cancer patients
IS IT?
a wasteland ..inside the frailest male of 8 who remains faceless - almost fated ..when satan eyes him and starts 'hatin'
soul maintnance consecrated with the authority of free masons places us in an anthill in the aforeaid 'devil's bassment'
inate sense la'tent abrasive nature on some 'froin laven' shit..even the priest in cowardice admits he can't save'em
teachers call him 'little whore' when 'miss'-behavin' ..soul concaves when forced to lay 'dosed-patient'
giving animals facelifts with fingertips to negate 'family time misplaced with' ..this displaced him
the 'necronomicron' became a safe haven ..this 'fallen angel' is a weapon of destruction in basic trainin'
So...
while their 'Eyes on a sparrow' his 'cross-sight' is narrow / the '12th Monkey in a barrel' turns Jesus to a 'Scarecrows'
Now Columbine 'Flynn[t] Lock Errol leaves '32xes' with expired 'CDs' like old Segas

.:[Think about it]:.

[RhetoriK]

ARE THEY?
Benetar dark-arts to Equinox light-hearts or Mortar Ark 'somewhere over rainbows' and synogouges?
Balthazar convinced God to 'split odds' with atom bombs - pushing 'Hiroshima' back through Sai'gon and Vietnam
'Magazines-rip' ..now soldiers 'open books' - sidewinder 'iron fisted jabs at sea' 'Captain Hooked'
turret-armament six headed-hydra serpent-spit subs 'torpedo-heat' the wet abyss in vapor mists
Flagrant forms of 'anti-war' through swollen spores - vapid pores contracting sores from leapor whores / or...
outward racists.. sub7[virus] laced in gov'ment databases - death faces in masks trapsin' a vast labyrinth of mazes to 'get wasted'
the black angel cries out to rain upon with virul graces - slave to 'concentration' and demonstrations of arts, science, and nature
mental emacipation couldn't top this day of greatness - life evasive closing the valence of death draped on backs of cancer patients
IS IT?
a wasteland ..inside the frailest male of 8 who remains faceless - almost fated ..when satan eyes him and starts 'hatin'
soul maintnance consecrated with the authority of free masons places us in an anthill in the aforeaid 'devil's bassment'
inate sense la'tent abrasive nature on some 'froin laven' shit..even the priest in cowardice admits he can't save'em
teachers call him 'little whore' when 'miss'-behavin' ..soul concaves when forced to lay 'dosed-patient'
giving animals facelifts with fingertips to negate 'family time misplaced with' ..this displaced him
the 'necronomicron' became a safe haven ..this 'fallen angel' is a weapon of destruction in basic trainin'
So...
while their 'Eyes on a sparrow' his 'cross-sight' is narrow / the '12th Monkey in a barrel' turns Jesus to a 'Scarecrows'
Now Columbine 'Flynn[t] Lock Errol leaves '32xes' with expired 'CDs' like old Segas

.:[Think about it]:.

[Louie Dawgs]

bump to the top.

[Louie Dawgs]

bump to the top.

[remarK]

both came with some interesting good reads..

idk what categories should be used to judge this, so I'm making my own..


Execution of the Topic: Tie

I feel like both executed the topic properly n' I couldn't decide whether one did it better than the other.. so this is a tie..

Vocabulary: Louie

Both had an extensive vocabulary and used it very well, but louie edged this for me.

Flow: RhetoriK

both had a good flow, but Rhet had a better rhyming scheme that made the flow that much better

Complexity: tie

i mean damn.. both were crazy complex wit it.. I really couldn't choose a definitive winner for this category..

Overall Subject Matter: Rhetorik

both were entertaining and I liked how they described certain people n' historical figures but the way in which Rhet expressed his material made it seem more like a story and not just spewing of detailed information..

Louie had a real nice twist w/ ourselves being the source and I'm not saying his wasn't a story.. I'm just saying that I felt RhetoriK's storytelling more as a whole..

plus you know I'm a sucker when it comes to Film-related subject matter and Rhet killed those last few lines.. the 12th Monkey in a Barrel turns Jesus to a Scarecrow... i was like dayumm

so overall it was extremely close but the flow and preference made me lean one way..

VOTE: RhetoriK

[remarK]

both came with some interesting good reads..

idk what categories should be used to judge this, so I'm making my own..


Execution of the Topic: Tie

I feel like both executed the topic properly n' I couldn't decide whether one did it better than the other.. so this is a tie..

Vocabulary: Louie

Both had an extensive vocabulary and used it very well, but louie edged this for me.

Flow: RhetoriK

both had a good flow, but Rhet had a better rhyming scheme that made the flow that much better

Complexity: tie

i mean damn.. both were crazy complex wit it.. I really couldn't choose a definitive winner for this category..

Overall Subject Matter: Rhetorik

both were entertaining and I liked how they described certain people n' historical figures but the way in which Rhet expressed his material made it seem more like a story and not just spewing of detailed information..

Louie had a real nice twist w/ ourselves being the source and I'm not saying his wasn't a story.. I'm just saying that I felt RhetoriK's storytelling more as a whole..

plus you know I'm a sucker when it comes to Film-related subject matter and Rhet killed those last few lines.. the 12th Monkey in a Barrel turns Jesus to a Scarecrow... i was like dayumm

so overall it was extremely close but the flow and preference made me lean one way..

VOTE: RhetoriK

Flow: Rhetorik

LD's long sentances to the rhyme put the flow off alot more then Rhetorik's style of small vast occuring multies.

Complexity: LD

Rhetorik's was very straight forward in what it was aiming at. It was worded in a way that we could just read it off too easily.

Vocab: Rhetorik

LD has much bigger words, and yes maybe they fitted in, but I don't see the use for having so many big words like that sacraficing the flow for them when a smaller more suited word could fill the place. Don't overdo it with the words, hell I even needed to crack the dictionary for a few of them.

Creativity: Tie

Both have some pretty decent creative twists on the topic. Louie done one that I imagine to be a little expected, doing a twist on the world being the weapon, and Rhetorik doing something to offer different senarios sacrafices alot of the clear descriptions which we say in Louies, but a slightly more creative way to do it, yet he was not as creative throughout the piece itself.

Relativity: Tie

Both really stuck well on keeping to the topic. That's basically all for this cat.


Louie:- Overall, just don't overdo the vocab. Some people rate that very high but readability is still the most important thing. This seemed alot more like a poem than a topical piece, you can't forget the lyracism which should be involved in a topical piece. Nice work none the less.

Rhetorik:- Flowed well, alot of the rhyming was a little basic but I'm sure you can fix that if you just try to reword them next time, nothing major. Pretty nice piece.

GMV:- Rhetorik

Flow: Rhetorik

LD's long sentances to the rhyme put the flow off alot more then Rhetorik's style of small vast occuring multies.

Complexity: LD

Rhetorik's was very straight forward in what it was aiming at. It was worded in a way that we could just read it off too easily.

Vocab: Rhetorik

LD has much bigger words, and yes maybe they fitted in, but I don't see the use for having so many big words like that sacraficing the flow for them when a smaller more suited word could fill the place. Don't overdo it with the words, hell I even needed to crack the dictionary for a few of them.

Creativity: Tie

Both have some pretty decent creative twists on the topic. Louie done one that I imagine to be a little expected, doing a twist on the world being the weapon, and Rhetorik doing something to offer different senarios sacrafices alot of the clear descriptions which we say in Louies, but a slightly more creative way to do it, yet he was not as creative throughout the piece itself.

Relativity: Tie

Both really stuck well on keeping to the topic. That's basically all for this cat.


Louie:- Overall, just don't overdo the vocab. Some people rate that very high but readability is still the most important thing. This seemed alot more like a poem than a topical piece, you can't forget the lyracism which should be involved in a topical piece. Nice work none the less.

Rhetorik:- Flowed well, alot of the rhyming was a little basic but I'm sure you can fix that if you just try to reword them next time, nothing major. Pretty nice piece.

GMV:- Rhetorik

[pUL5e]

O_______________________O

Anyway, time to cast the fair one....

Flow/Vocab: Rhetorik

Rhetorik, your flow was insane throughout the damn topical. I was actually impressed by you. Louie had his down too, whereas his was more simple and Rhetorik took the complicated route. The vocab was intense too, I had to leave a Dictionary.com tab open for this.

Subject Matter: Tied

You both were pretty vivid about your topics. I could see it in my head. Word choice and imagery is very important. You remained on topic, and both of your verses painted a little mental picture of weapons of mass destruction...so I can't really side on this one.

Similes/Metaphors: Rhetorik

Tbh one of you guys came out swinging with the fuckin fists of King Kong over here, and that was Rhetorik. You don't really expect to see this in a topical, but to incorporate a witty line like the Captain Hooked one and to actually make it work? Props on that. Louie's topical was a traditional, simple topical. Nothing too complex, but he had all the elements of a topical. Rhetorik just came out and +1 upped Louie on metaphors/similes.. and in terms of wits.

Complexity: Rhetorik

While both of you came with the good vocab that added to the complexity, overall Rhetorik was more complex. His word choice and ability to incorporate complex subject matter into those 16 lines stood out.

VOTE: Rhetorik (3/4 Categories)

[pUL5e]

O_______________________O

Anyway, time to cast the fair one....

Flow/Vocab: Rhetorik

Rhetorik, your flow was insane throughout the damn topical. I was actually impressed by you. Louie had his down too, whereas his was more simple and Rhetorik took the complicated route. The vocab was intense too, I had to leave a Dictionary.com tab open for this.

Subject Matter: Tied

You both were pretty vivid about your topics. I could see it in my head. Word choice and imagery is very important. You remained on topic, and both of your verses painted a little mental picture of weapons of mass destruction...so I can't really side on this one.

Similes/Metaphors: Rhetorik

Tbh one of you guys came out swinging with the fuckin fists of King Kong over here, and that was Rhetorik. You don't really expect to see this in a topical, but to incorporate a witty line like the Captain Hooked one and to actually make it work? Props on that. Louie's topical was a traditional, simple topical. Nothing too complex, but he had all the elements of a topical. Rhetorik just came out and +1 upped Louie on metaphors/similes.. and in terms of wits.

Complexity: Rhetorik

While both of you came with the good vocab that added to the complexity, overall Rhetorik was more complex. His word choice and ability to incorporate complex subject matter into those 16 lines stood out.

VOTE: Rhetorik (3/4 Categories)

KO Rhetorik. Congratz.

KO Rhetorik. Congratz.

[pUL5e]

EastCoast I bet you had an orgasm when you heard LB is organizing lil topicals and using that HHA format...I bet you won't do a callout and make a thread for a battle w/ a poll though!

[pUL5e]

EastCoast I bet you had an orgasm when you heard LB is organizing lil topicals and using that HHA format...I bet you won't do a callout and make a thread for a battle w/ a poll though!

[Louie Dawgs]

lol yo.

I've honestly never, ever multied or worried about my rhyme scheme in a topical before..I guess I'll have to start....

G'battle.

To Uneth's point, I've always considered vocab and imagrey the most important parts of a topical, with creativity up there was well.

[Louie Dawgs]

lol yo.

I've honestly never, ever multied or worried about my rhyme scheme in a topical before..I guess I'll have to start....

G'battle.

To Uneth's point, I've always considered vocab and imagrey the most important parts of a topical, with creativity up there was well.